


The Stakes of the Aftermath

by iswawrites



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), TW : Human Experimentation, post IW
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2019-07-03
Packaged: 2019-07-07 07:37:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 46,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15903816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iswawrites/pseuds/iswawrites
Summary: Being alive but having lost so much, how can you ever be normal and yourself again?In the aftermath of Avengers4 , Bucky and Wanda go through a journey where second chances at happiness seem out of reach. A journey of grief, mourning, as they uncover unresolved issues, enemies, and worse, feelings they thought they'd never feel again.Set after Avengers -Endgame ( with a few facts changed but most of the movie happened basically. This is the after.)





	1. Wanda

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I am back, with a new story. After watching Infinity War ( a dozen thousand times) and coming up with my own theories, I had this urge to write a new story but I wanted it to be something a little different. So I am taking my favorite crackship that is Winterwith and throw them in a story where they eventually find themselves and fall in love in the process ! I am not saying more , just enjoy the ride with me! 
> 
> It's roadtrip story, they're going from New York City to Anchorage ( a personal dream of mine),I drew their itnerary and yeh, we're in it for a while. I hope you enjoy reading this story as much as you can.  
> Feedback is always appreciated as always :)  
> Love always, Iswa :)

1.Wanda

 

She finishes putting the last jacket in her duffle bag and lets out a small sigh. She sits on the edge of the bed and looks around her old room. She hasn't been in here in years now, and suddenly a cold feeling settles in her bones. Shaking her head, she tries not to reminisce on the Soul World, and how it felt to be stuck there with no way out. The cold, the fog, all the despair and sorrow she felt from the other ones. And now they are back, somehow, and sure, it was a happy thing, to be alive, and safe – kind of – but she still felt incomplete. Vision hadn't been there, neither had _he_ , and right now, she didn't know which one hurt the most.

 

Her eyes fall on one of the few pictures she had framed _before_. Before everything, before their own civil war, before the Wakanda fight. The picture shows a happy group, Sam and Clint are both holding each other by the shoulders, mid-laughing, Bruce and Nat are both posing, smiling wide, while Steve and Tony are looking at each other. She looks away quickly from the frame, it only being a reminder of what they had lost. Another sigh escapes her lips as she stands up and takes her bag, and walks towards the door.

 

In the doorway, she stops for a moment and looks around one last time. This is good, this will bring her closure. She can be new, she can be okay again. Closing the door, she makes her way down the hall, to the main room, where the others are. She hears them before she can see them, and still, the voices aren't as many as she was once used to. Her heart aches at that thought but she puts on a brave face, like she learnt years ago and walks towards the group. Sam sees her first, and opens one arm, letting her in, and she gladly enters his space. He brings her close and squeezes her shoulder. She's thankful for him, thankful that he's alive too. She looks at the group around her, and she can't help but be thankful, relieved that all of them are safe. But she also can't help but notice the missing ones and it's so hard on her and she almost wants to cry right then and there, but she doesn't have the time to contemplate it further before Scott's voice breaks her train of thought.

 

« Oh, there he is ! »

 

She turns around and sees him and she can't help but smile. James is walking towards her and the minute their eyes meet, he smiles as well. She's thankful for him the most. Without him, she doesn't know if she would have handled being in the Soul World the same way. She had been a mess, and somehow, he had been there, even though he barely knew her, he had been there, and he was _still_ there.

 

He reaches them and he pats Scott's shoulder.

 

«Car's all set ? » Scott asks.

 

Bucky nods. « Yes, we're ready to go. » Wanda smiles at the words. A round of goodbyes and they'll be on their way.

 

Sam raises an eyebrow. « Remind me again why you guys are talking a trip all the way to Alaska ? »

 

« To avoid you. » Bucky immediately answers. « If I spend another minute watching your face, I might vomit. »

 

« You're going to miss that face, I'll tell ya that. » Sam retorts, and they all chuckle. It's easy banter, and it feels natural for the four of them but still, there's an uneasiness in Wanda's smile and she can't help but miss the sound of Steve's laugh amongst theirs. She looks at James and wonders if he misses his bestfriend too, if he finds it as uneasy as she does to laugh without him. He turns to her and his eyes turn soft and he smiles at her, and for a second, she can't only see his blue eyes, and they're so blue, they're different than Vision's, but not bad different, no, _good_ -different.

 

« You're set ? »

 

«Yes. » She holds her bag up to show him. « You ? »

 

« All ready. Just waiting for you. »

 

« Let me say goodbye and we can go. »

 

He nods and she falls back into Sam's space and gives him a quick hug. She doesn't want to linger, otherwise she would never leave. But she must, she has to. If she stays, she'll just fall into a spiral of depression.but she can't, she can't, _not anymore_. She goes around, and hugs her friends. She finds it crazy that some of them she barely knew, guess friendship is what happens when you find yourself not quite dead , stuck in another world.

 

Bucky and she then leave, she drops her bag in the trunk and looks one last time at the Avengers compound. So many memories were made here. That's where she became an Avenger, where she trained with Steve and Clint and Nat and Sam and Vision. That was her home for so long, and now it's all gone, in the past. She shakes her head and settles in the passenger seat. Bucky is looking at her, and she notices the obvious concern in his eyes, those blue eyes she can't quite get over somehow.

 

« You're sure about this ? » He asks her.

 

And this is it. This is her last chance of backing off of this crazy idea, her last chance of going back inside the compound, to her room, to where she belongs. But she can't. Because she's not the same person she was when she was here last time and she's not sure she can ever be that same person again. She needs this, she needs to go, and as she stares at Bucky, she can see he needs it too, he needs to go, needs to find himself again.

 

So she smiles at him, not even trying to make it look real or honest, she knows it's a sad smile, but happy isn't a feeling she's felt in a while, and she hopes he understands.

 

«Yes, let's go. »

 

Bucky searches for something, maybe one last warning, in her eyes, and she wants to ask him, but then he looks away, focuses on the steering wheel in front of him, and starts the engine. As they drive off, she keeps looking towards him, and again, she's thankful, thankful that she found him, thankful that they found each other.

 


	2. Bucky

2.Bucky

 

It's funny how everything fell into place. He is currently driving a wonderful car , a Volvo XC90 -thanks T'Challa - , Wanda is in the passenger seat , looking at their itinerary , and it's all so funny to him. It brings him back to how it all started. When he had woken up in the Soul World, he had been alone at first, no one around him, then he had seen Sam, and T'Challa and then, _her_. Wanda. He vaguely remembered her from a few years ago, remembered she had helped Steve and him escape the airport fight and get to Siberia. Then, he had been there when Steve had broken them out of The Raft. The image of her in a straight jacket and electrical collar had been stuck in his mind so when he had seen her then, in Wakanda, next to Vision, he had felt a strange sense of relief. But then, finding her in the Soul World, he had felt a sense of sadness again. He thought she didn't deserve to be here, didn't deserve to wander here with the rest of them. Along the way, they had found themselves talking, he wasn't sure what made them talk, but she had been quiet for a while ,at first, barely registering anyone around her, but he could see her sometimes looking around, as if searching for someone, and Bucky remembered Vision, and figured she was looking for him. He had understood. he had been unconciously waiting for Steve to be here as well, but then he never came and he resigned himself. And as he watched her then, from afar, he suddenly had this urge of protecting her, it was almost an instinct, Maybe because he knew, he knew what it felt to be alone, to be too deep inside your own mind that you don't think there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

 

So he took her in. He made sure she knew he was there, they all were, and that she didn't have to be alone. She had smiled at him, but stayed on her own, it was only after he had found her crying that she had sort of let him in. She had weeped, sobbed in his arms, and he had let her, and he found himself crying with her too, let himself have that moment of vulnerability.

 

And they were here now, alive, back on Earth, and it had felt good, _great_ , until they realized the cost of being alive and back and suddenly, it didn't feel as good, as great. He would look at the world, the ones who came back and they were so happy, so glad to be alive and well and reunited with their families, and he couldn't take it. He couldn't handle that amount of joy and sound and he was about to leave, take a car and leave when he had found her, again, alone in a room and the words had come out of his mouth before he thought of them, _do you want to get out of here ?_ , and she had just nodded and here they were. Driving north, away, on a quest to heal, to be whole again.

 

«So, I think we should talk. » He says after a minute. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees her looking up and frowning.

 

« About ? »

 

« About this trip and the awkward moments that might happen. » He says, and it's true. Sure, it seemed like a good idea two nights ago to grab his bags and leave with her but now, he is back to reality and needs to clear the air.

 

« Oh. » She says. «  Didn't think about that. »

 

« Yeah.. well , we might as well now. Because I don't want to have that talk when we're both tired and a motel only has that one room with only one bed. »

 

He hears her chuckle. «  I've slept in worse conditions. »

 

« So did I. But I don't want you to be uncomfortable when I wake up with a hard on or your shirt sneaks up in the middle of the night exposing you or something. »

 

« Oh.. » She nods, and he can vaguely see a blush creeping on her cheeks.

 

« I am not here to embarass you. I asked you along on this trip so we can help each other hopefully, and those moments are bound to happen. So better have it now in the open. »

 

«You're right, I know. » He senses her nod and then she turns to him. «  So, since we're on the subject, my period might start in a few days, but it might be off. I am not sure if my cycle is still regular after .. _after_. So it might be off but it might come up at some point. » She states, as a matter of fact, her voice loud and clear.

 

Bucky nods. « Okay, if it comes up, just tell me, alright ? If you need anything, or if just want me to leave you alone, okay ? I don't understand much about it, but I can try to help. »

 

He turns to her, and she smiles slightly at him, it's a small smile but it's there, and he smiles back.

 

« Thank you. For doing this. »

 

He wants to tell her that she doesn't have to thank him, that he couldn't have left her there anyway. He wants to tell her that he's not just doing it for her, but also for himself, he wants to tell her that he's not sure which one of them needs it most. But he doesn't, can't somehow, so he just shrugs and focuses on the road ahead.

 

« Wait till we're in Anchorage to thank me. By then, you'll probably be sick of me. » He teases and he gets a glimpse of her smiling before she turns towards the window and hides her face. And there's a little tug in the pit of his stomach at the sight, he's not quite sure what it is, so he pushes it to the side, and turns on the radio, letting the music fill the space.

 


	3. Wanda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii guys, thank you so much for everyone reading this and leaving feedback, it's very much appreciated!  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter !

3\. Wanda

 

They've been on the road for a couple of hours now, listening to the radio in silence. She is not commenting but she can see Bucky's fingers sometimes tapping along the beat of the song that's playing. It makes her smile, but she always hides her smile by turning towards the window, she doesn't want him to be embarassed. Like she had been earlier. When he had brought the subject of awkward things that might occur, she had felt a little embarassed because she had truly not thought about any of it. She had completely forgotten that she wasn't used to share intimacy with many people, only her brother and Vision. She sighs as she realizes the two people she felt the closest to are both gone. The irony of life really. She looks over at James – she likes to call him that, she thinks it suits him better in a way – and it reminds her of her brother right then. The way his head slightly moves to the rythm of the song playing, the way he's holding the steering wheel in such a carefree way, like he's been doing it for years, how his short stuble is making him look soft in a way that she can't understand. And she doesn't know why it reminds her of a brother, how he used to love to dance and sing random songs. She remembers how , as kids, he used to barge into their shared room and start singing a song in the most dramatic way possible. He would always try to bring her to dance and sing with him, and of course she would, there was nothing she could deny Pietro, she loved him too much for that.

 

« Do I have something on my face ? »

 

James' voice startles her and she breaks out of her reverie. She shakes her head. « No no, sorry, I was just thinking and got lost in it »

 

« Oh. » He just says. She hopes he leaves it at that. « What were you thinking about ? »

 

Of course, she didn't bring her luck with her it seems. She almost wants to tell him, she really does want to tell him about her brother, how he was, how she misses him, how he died for their people, how she never got to say goodbye, how she had so desperately wished for him to be in the Soul World, waiting for her. But the words don't cross her lips, they stay stuck on her tongue.

 

« You don't have to, it's okay. » James adds, and she wonders how is it that he can read her so easily.

 

« Thank you. » She says. « It's not you, it's just.. »

 

« I get it, don't worry. » He says, and she can feel his honesty in his voice. «  Letting go is the hardest step. »

 

She watches him and she wonders about all those years he spent as the Winter Soldier. She had heard about him when she was still being experimented on by HYDRA, just a name in the corridor, a rumor here and there, but she wonders how it must have been like for him to come back to a world and face what he had been forced to do. She sees his hand on the wheel, his vibranium one, and she wonders how it must have felt. Losing so much, losing himself to HYDRA, being hurt over and over again. She remembered her own hesitation at first, when she and Pietro had volunteered for Stryker's experiments. They had been so lost, and starving, and longing for more for themselves, for their country, for their future, it had seemed the only solution at the time. But she had a choice. James didn't, and somehow, it makes her feel terrible.

 

« I am sorry. » She says, and she closes her eyes, projecting her feeling towards him, hoping he understands what she means, and feels. He must have, because he turns to her, his eyes full of shock and surprise. He stays silent for a while, before he speaks again.

 

« I didn't know you could do that. » He says, and there's surprise in his voice but something else too, admiration almost.

 

She looks away, smiling shyly. « Well, we don't really talk much about my potential around here. Most people still think I am a danger for national security so.. »

 

« Hey », and he grabs her hand and for some reason, the touch startles her, she hasn't been touched like this – it's gentle, it's soft, it's caring – in a while and she's surprised, and she flinches, and she hates herself because she sees hurt cross James' face but it's not his fault , it's not, but he speaks again as it didn't matter, «  You're not what they say. You're more than that.. You know that, right ? »

 

And his words hit her hard, and her heart aches at the sound of them, she wonders how can he trusts her this much already. He shouldn't, she wants to tell him, she'll end up hurting him, like she hurts everyone around her. She wants to tell him to stay as far as possible from her but then, is she really ready to be alone again ? Maybe she's selfish, to impose her presence on him in that way, maybe he needs to be alone and he's just doing her a favor, and the minute he realizes she destroys everything around her, he'll just leave. He will, she's certain of it, and she is selfish, she is selfish for wanting to stay around him for as long as she can, for as long as he'll let her.

 

« Thanks James. » She says, and she hopes he believes her then. She tries a smile and hopes it comes out as an honest. And it must, because he gives her a smile then, and it's a bright one, and she thinks _wow_ , and it warms her heart, and she hopes he keeps smiling for the rest of his life. After everything, he deserves it.

 

\-------------

 

They're stopping now, she insisted that they did, she's a little hungry and James has been driving for over four hours, she can't even imagine the numbness he must be feeling in his legs, she knows she does. They are currently walking towards a little dinner, she's hugging her jacket tight against her, and she misses the car's heater a little, but she tells herself it's okay, she's gone through worse. James opens the door for her, and she chuckles when she passes him.

 

« What a gentleman you are », she says, and he bows his head.

 

«I haven't forgotten my manners, doll. » He winks at her and she rolls her eyes at his playfulness. They walk together towards a booth, and settle in the leather seats. The dinner is pretty cute, she thinks, with pastel pink and baby blue colors shining everywhere, very 40s vintage, families and couples are spread around the dinner, having fun of their own. She looks at a family, how the father squeezes his daughter close to him, and ruffles her hair while she playfully tries to get away. The mother and the son are both laughing at them, as they share waffles together. They seem so happy, and somehow, it only reminds her of her family, her parents and Pietro, how they were happy, so happy. Eventhough their country was poor and they were barely making ends meet every month, they were happy, because they were together, they had each other.

 

« Hello ! » A young girl appears in front of her and breaks her train of thoughts. She's smiling, and Wanda wants to cringe at how big her smile is ; the girl probably wouldn't care, she's currently eyeing James up and down and not hiding it whatsoever. « My name is Linda, what can I get you ? »

 

Wanda turns to James and he's studying the menu, and he barely looks at Linda when he speaks. «  I'll have the fries and a steak, with a cup of coffee. » He closes his menu and she takes it from him, smiling – again, it's too big, - and Wanda can practically see the drool coming out of her mouth, _pathetic_ , she thinks. She clears her throat, and Linda suddenly seems to remember that she exists too.

 

« I'll have fries and a chicken burger, and a glass of water, thank you.» She says and hands the menu back to sweet, smiling, annoyingly pathetic Linda with a smile she knows looks as fake as she intends it to. Somehow , Linda doesn't even seem phased by it. She just keeps her attention on James, and he's smiling back at her now and for some reason, Wanda wants to slap the stupid grins off of their faces. Linda turns around and walks back behind the counter, and Wanda leans back in the booth, crossing her arms over her chest. She goes back to staring at the families, but is soon interrupted by James.

 

« It's cute isn't it ? » He says, and it's not really a question, and she turns to him and he's looking at the families too, and her annoyance towards him is instantly gone, because of course, he understands too. Everyone he cared about is gone too, she remembers ; seeing families, couples, must feel as horrible for him as it is for her. « They're so carefree.. » his voice trails off, and she sees the sadness in his eyes, but there's something else too.

 

« They have every right to be, they deserve it.. » She says, and his eyes are suddenly on her in a sharp movment. He seems to search for something in her eyes, but what , she doesn't know. He's about to speak but Linda comes back with their orders. And, there is the annoyance creeping up on Wanda again.

 

Linda puts their plates on the table and she's smiling at James again. Wanda rolls her eyes, as Linda speaks up.

 

« There you go », she says and Wanda notices a piece of paper next to the cup of coffee. « Tell me if you need anything. » She smiles again before she leaves again. Wanda tries to focus on her plate but she sees James look at the note, but she can't see his reaction, and she tries to tell herself that it doesn't matter, that the knots in her stomach don't mean anything.

 

«Can I ask you something ? » She says after a while, she's munching on her fries, and it's something that's been on her mind for a while.

 

« Sure, » Bucky says and he steals one of her fries off her plate, and she tries to push his fork away but he still manages to grab a couple, and he smirks as he pops them into his mouth.

 

« Why Anchorage ? » And the sadness is back in his eyes, and she can see him go into a place in his mind.

 

He leans back on the booth, and offers her a smile. « When we were kids, Steve and I dreamed of seeing the Northern Lights. We'd heard about them in class and thought one day we would go and see them. Imagine it, two brooklyn kids, dreaming about kaleidoscope lights in the sky.. crazy, right ? »

 

She sees it, she can see the two of them, two little kids wishing for a brighter life, oh how she can see it. She smiles while he talks, and she likes to listen to him, she realizes, his voice is soothing, peaceful,it reminds her of honey dripping, satisfying in a way.

 

« And then, everything happened. » He lets out a sigh, and it's heavy and she can feel it from where she stands. « And somehow, it just never came up again, but still, in the back of my head, I always thought we would do it, y'know ? When everything is done, when there would be no fight anymore... »

 

She feels the heaviness in his voice, and it breaks her heart, and she reaches out for his hand, and it's the metal one, and it's cold, but she feels him reacting and it brings her back to earlier when he had tried and she's selfish for being glad he didn't retract his hand.

 

« I am sorry. » She says simply, and it's all she can say, and she feels like she's been apologizing a lot lately, but right now, it's all she can give. « You're stuck with me and my moodiness. » She says , hoping it lightens the mood.

 

« It's fine», he shrugs, smiling lightly, and runs his other hand through his hair. « There are worse people to go on a trip with. »

 

« Oh yeah ? » She says, and a little smile plays at the corner of her lips. « Didn't want Sam to go with you ? »

 

« Oh man ! » James rolls his eyes, and leans his head back. «  Like I said, any more minute watching his face, I would vomit ! Seriously, love the guy but jeez, how much sass can one man handle in a day !»

 

She laughs then, and it's true, and it's loud, and she feels it in her heart, and she finds herself not caring if people look at her. She shakes her head, and she catches James' eyes on her and they're soft and he's staring at her with a smile, and she suddenly feels shy, like a kid caught doing something, and her cheeks heat up and she ruffles her hair slightly, putting a few strands in front of her face to hide the blush on her cheeks. She then looks around and indeed there are some people looking at her, including Linda, sitting on a stool by the counter and she's frowning at Wanda, and the brunette finds herself wanting to choke her.

 

« I think we should leave. » She says, turning to James, and he sighs and nods. He wipes his mouth with a napkin before sliding out of the booth, and she mirrors him. « I am going to the bathroom, I'll be quick. »

 

« Okay, I'll wait for you in the car, alright ?»

 

She nods and heads towards the bathroom, while he goes towards the counter to pay. She makes a mental note to pay for their next meal at their next stop. She quickly does her business in the mirror, and washes her face. She stares at herself for a moment in the dirty mirror. Her reflection seems so foreign to her, her eyes have somehow found their green glow, and her skin is still a little flushed. She seems happy, and the thought makes her uncomfortable, _she doesn't deserve it_ , a voice in her mind tells her. She shakes the thought away, and leaves the bathroom. When she reaches the counter, she sees that James is still there, talking with Linda. He has a smirk planted on his face, and Linda is giggling and the sound is horrifying to Wanda's ears. For a second, she thinks about how easy it would be to snap her neck, she'd have to only use two fingers, and gone would Linda be, but then, she remembers James' words, _you're more than that_ , and then she also realizes that her annoyance is uncalled for. He's free to do what she wants. Then why is she so angry at seeing him talking with another girl ? So, she choose the adult way, and marches right up to the two of them, her face stoic, her voice loud and clear when she interrupts them, «  We're good to go. »

 

And she doesn't let James the time to answer or add anything, she turns on her heels and she can hear utter a word or two to Linda before following her ; she doesn't look back, but she feels him trailing behind her, and she hears Linda yells a loud and obnoxious _Goodbye Bucky !_ , and that's it, Wanda's self control is out of the door, and she flicks two fingers and then hears a loud _bang !_ And she smirks as she pushes open the door of the dinner, not even bothering to look back at the poor clumsy Linda who fell off her stool. She gets into the car, and doesn't utter a single word as James is looking at her, his eyebrows furrowed. She just keeps looking out of the window. She hears him sigh and they drive off.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thoughts anyone?


	4. Bucky

4\. Bucky

 

Bucky is driving, Wanda feel asleep about half an hour ago, and he's glad for that ,sort of. They haven't talked since they left the dinner, eventhough he knows they ought to at some point. He remembers her stare while he was talking with the waitress - he can't remember her name for some reason now. He had felt suddenly very scared, to be under that gaze, he had caught a flash of red in her green eyes, and it had scared him. After everything, they couldn't afford to draw attention to themselves. And maybe he's to blame, but the waitress – gosh, what was her name ? Amanda ? Layla ? - had left him a note, with her name and phone number, and god, had he been embarassed to return it to her. He had tried to be as nice as he could in doing so, telling her that she was very pretty and that he was very flattered but it wasn't going to happen. She had been understanding, thankfully, and she had asked him if Wanda was his girlfriend. He had been surprised and asked her why she thought so. She had just shrugged, and explained Wanda had been given her the death stare a few times. At that, Bucky had just laughed, and the waitress had too, and he had answered they weren't together. She was surprised at that , and had giggled , _you mean those eyes don't get girls ?_ , and he had laughed, because he wasn't used to it anymore, talking to girls, flirting, teasing, and that's when Wanda had come back and given the scariest stare he has ever seen, or been under. And then she had walked out and he had followed her, like he had been under a spell, and then , _then_ , he had heard his name, following a loud bang, and he had turned around, and the young girl was on the floor, having somehow fell from her stool. And he had just known, then , that it was Wanda. But she hadn't looked back, or at him, and now he had been debating whether or not he should talk to her. He tells himself he will, when she wakes up, not because he's mad at her, but because she can't have those mood swings in public, not when the state of enhanced people is still at stake.

 

Checking the GPS, they're slowly approaching Bellefonte and he decides to stop there for the night. He's never been there, but it's starting to get late, and he would lie if he said he wasn't a bit tired. He exits the highway and heads towards Bellefonte, and he can't suppress a smile driving in the little town, looking at the victorian buildings, and the open places. He spots a hotel that looks nice from where he is and decides that they could stop there for the night. He parks on the side of the street, and turns off the engine, and then looks at Wanda. She's still asleep, and he knows he should wake her up, but she looks so peaceful, so calm. It's funny to him, to see her like this, this quiet, this ..harmless. He knows her powers and her abilities, he knows she can destroys someone, kill people from a flick of her fingers, she's strong, stronger than anyone he knows on a level he can't begin to understand. And still, seeing her like this, he's seeing a whole other aspect, and for the first time, he's really looking at her, as a human, not just a girl who helped them when they needed it. He meant it when he said that she was more than what people see or say about her, because he knows what it means to be reduced to just a weapon, _an asset_ , and he remembers how hard it was for him to grasp who he was , away from all that was said about him.

 

He realizes he should probably stop staring at Wanda, it could get creepy if she woke up and caught him, and he would die of embarassment. So much for being honest about awkward moments, Bucky.

He sighs, and extends his hand to nudge Wanda softly. She opens her eyes and blinks a few times, before smiling at him, and Bucky really tries to ignore the little flutter his heart seems to experience when she does so. He clears his throat and takes his hand away from her shoulder. He vaguely points at the hotel and hopes his voice doesn't sound as shaky as it does in his head.

 

«How about we stay here tonight and get a goodnight of sleep ? » He says. He doesn't really look at her but he hears a short _fine by me_ , and nods. He gets out of the car and goes to grab their bags out of the trunk. He joins her as she walks up the steps leading to the hotel entrance, she takes her bag from him, and as she does so, he manages to grab the door before her and holds it open for her. She smiles at him as he does so, she still looks a little sleepy and he finds it cute but quickly dismisses the thought. They walk into the entrance hall, and he has to say, he's rather impressed ; the walls are shiny and the furniture just screams luxurious. If T'Challa wasn't helping them financing this trip, they probably would've to stay somewhere else. He has Steve's inheritance as well – who knew being an Avenger, you actually earned money ? - and it'll be more than enough for the trip he knows, he did the math before they left. Maths had always been his best suit, at school, and finally, it serves him right. He walks up to the front desk and the lady behind the desk notices him and Wanda and offers them her brightest smile.

 

« Good evening, sir, madam, how may I help you ? »

 

« We'd like to book a room for the night, please. » Wanda speaks up and her voice is soft and sweet, and it's such a contrast to how she talked to him back in the dinner.

 

« We currently have five rooms still available, along with a couple suite and the Penthouse suite. Would you like one of these ? » The woman kindly suggests and Bucky understands that she must have been under the impression that they were a couple.

 

Clearing his throat, he steps forward. « We would like a simple room, preferably with two separate beds. »

 

The woman smiles dies a little, but she quickly gathers herself and checks her computer. «  We do have two of these currently free. How do you propose to pay ? »

 

« By credit card. » Wanda steps in, and she quicky takes out her wallet, and fishes out her card. Bucky is about to protest but she just smirks at him, proudly. He rolls his eyes and makes a mental note to pay for the next thing.

 

« There you go, Miss. » The lady hands Wanda back her card, as well as two room keys. «  The room is the 314 , on the third floor, the elevator is on your left, please feel free to contact me or any member of the staff if you need anything. »

 

« Thank you very much, have a nice evening. » Wanda says, Bucky just nods at the lady before they start heading towards the elevator.

 

« How many times a day do you think she has to say those rehearsed lines ? » Wanda whisper-asks him and chuckles a little.

 

« Probably..over twenty times, depending how many people walk in here. » He thinks it over, and yes, twenty times seems accurate. He notices how many people they are in the lobby, counts them, and he shakes his head because it's a reflex he should quit, but somehow can't.

 

« Poor lady though », Wanda continues, «  she must be so bored, doing the same thing, saying the same thing all day, all the time.» She pushes on the button for elevator and they wait.

 

« For some reason, I envy her. » Bucky finds himself saying, and he only realizes he does when Wanda raises an eyebrow at him. The elevator door opens and he steps in, followed by Wanda, who presses the button for the 3rd floor. He continues, «  Just.. It must be nice to have a routine, y'know. To know what you're going to do, know where you're going, who you're going to see.. » he trails off, and there's so much more on his lips, so much more he wants to say, but he stays quiet, and the elevator door opens again, and they step out. Their room is right on the left and Wanda is the one opening the door. The room is .. well, it's nicer than what he's been used to really. It's probably up to normal to regular standards but he thinks it's just amazing. There's even a little balcony, he notices and he drops his bag on the floor and heads to check it, while Wanda checks the rest of the room. The balcony is rather small, but two people can easily stand on it so it's fine, and there's even a small table with two garden chairs, probably for people to have meals out there. He can see the appeal a little, it must be nice to sit here, having a nice meal with your partner and just look over at the hills of the small town. He can see them from where he is, teenagers are playing on the square facing the building, he can hear them laughing, joking, they're playing dodgeball and he smiles at the sight. He looks down and there's a little private area attached to the hotel, with a massive pool, and his body suddenly longs to be in the water. He tells himself he might go for a swim later and it feels good to be here right now, he feels good, and he hasn't felt this in a while, and he welcomes the feeling.

 

« There's a shower and a tub ?! » He hears Wanda cheer inside and he turns around and heads back in. He finds her on one of the beds, and she's slowly bouncing on the end, gaining power as she goes, and the grin she's sporting ressembles a child one and he doesn't think he's ever seen a cuter sight. « Can we just drop the trip and stay here forever ? » She says as she falls back on the bed.

 

Bucky rolls his eyes, but can't help the smile on his face as he himself drops on the other bed, and _fucking hell_ , this is great, the bed is just so soft and fluffy and it smells nice and he might just never leave. He unconciously lets out an audible moan, and he tells himself that the heat he feels on his face is not due to Wanda's little giggle after that.

 

« I know, right ? » She says and lets out a content sigh.

 

« There's a pool downstairs. » He informs her, and she humms in response. God, this bed feels amazing, he could fall asleep right then and there.

 

«Do you want me to order some food ? » She asks him and he doesn't really answer right away, because he's sinking in this bed right now, he feels like he's on a cloud and it feels so good. «  Or maybe you should take a nap first.. » And he doesn't answer her then either, and he doesn't know when he closed his eyes and a nap doesn't sound like a bad idea right now. Just for a little while, just for a little while, and then he'll be up , just a few minutes..

 

\---------

 

 

When he wakes up, it's a lot darker, and it takes him a moment to realize where he is. Hotel room, Bellefonte. Wanda. Wait, where is she ? There's no other noise in the room other than his breathing.Has she left the room ? Did something happen to her ? He's suddenly taken by fear and looks around ; well, her bag is still here, so there's still the possibility of her being here, but what if she just got kidnapped ?

 

« Wanda ? » He calls out in the room, and he ignores the way his heart races as he waits for an answer.

 

«I am in the bathtub ! » And he lets out a long breath he didn't know he was holding.  « Slept well ? » she asks him from the bathroom and he smiles.

 

« Slept great ! » he answers, and god, it did feel great. For the first time in maybe a very very long time, he slept, and just slept, no nightmares, no sudden waking up in the middle of night because some weird noise broke the silence. He slept, he did sleep.

 

« You ought to have a bath, James ! » She talks to him again, and he's brought back to reality. « This is the best thing ever ! »

 

« Is that an invitation ? » He playfully jokes and he bites his tongue after saying the words, because this girl has just lost her boyfriend just months ago, and here he is, teasing , almost flirting with her, and he doesn't mean anything real by it, it's just playful teasing but it might make her uncomfortable and he doesn't-

 

« You wish ! » She shouts back at him, and he hears her laugh, and oh, _okay_ , maybe he wasn't being weird or anything. And he fights back a smile but it's still there and he can't help it.

 

He decides to check his phone while she's out there, and he's actually quite surprised to see a few texts from his fellow friends. There's a few from Sam, obviously, and a couple from Scott.

 

**Sam :**

 

_You guys still alive ? Just wondering_

 

**Sam :**

 

_You know, I actually miss you, you dumbhead, you're the only one who doesn't cry when I tease them_

 

Bucky laughs at them, and quickly answers back.

 

 **Bucky** :

 

_The only reason they cry is because you're just the worst at teasing_

 

 

He lets out his phone on the bed, and takes off his jacket, he can't believe he slept in it, he must have been exhausted to sleep fully clothed. Dropping his jacket by his bag, he takes his shoes off and stretch. His whole body cracks, and his muscles relax and he welcomes it, because damn, it feels good. His stomach growls a little and he thinks about what Wanda said before he fell asleep, ordering room service might be a good idea.

 

« Hey, you're hungry ? » He asks her, shouting a little, and he spots the menu on the little coffee table, and starts to examine it.

 

« I'm always hungry ! » Wanda shouts back.

 

He smiles at that, and walks towards the bathroom door. He knocks on the door, and hopes she doesn't mind, because shouting through the room doesn't do well for him.

 

« So, how do you feel about having pizza ? » He asks, and he doesn't know if it's her powers, but he can almost feel happiness coming from the bathroom.

 

« Oh, I could do with some pizza ! » She answers him, « Is there an Hawaian one ? »

 

He checks the menu and indeed, there is. «  Yup ! You want that one ? »

 

« Yes please ! » He's about to walk away, when she yells back, «  can we have chocolate cake ? »

 

« Anything you want, doll ! » He answers, and the words fall from his lips so easily, too easily, and god, he really needs to check himself.

 

After he places their order, he is lounging on the small couch, extending his miles-long legs, they're dangling from the arm rest, and he's playing on his phone, answering to texts, and just checking on world news, when Wanda steps out of the bathroom. She's tucked in one of the hotel bathrobes and her hair is up in a messy bun and Bucky has to remember himself how to breathe properly. He tries his best to not stare, to just focus on his face, but he can still see her figure, and he finds her beautiful, and she's going through her bag and gosh, he shouldn't be staring, _pull yourself together Buck', for God's Sake !_ he tells himself. Just focus on the worlds news, yes world news and politics and science discoveries. Oh, they're launching a new rocket in space ? Fucking wonderful ! She's gone back in the bathroom now to change, and he's letting out a long breath, and he feels a little flustered, but he doesn't have time to dwell on it, because there's a knock on their door, and he doesn't think he's ever been so thankful for pizza in his life.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is a big softie , hope you enjoyed :) ! I can't wait for you to guys to read the next chapter!


	5. Wanda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't wait to have this chapter up! It's a bit short in my opinion, but we see another aspect of their friendship, and I hope you guys are starting to understand the issues they're both dealing with and what might come up later and stop the to engage ..  
> Enjoy!

5\. Wanda

 

She's smiling, the air is nice, it's not too chilly tonight thankfully. She's enjoying her piece of chocolate cake, on the balcony, sitting on one of the garden chairs. James is down by the pool, doing laps ; she had wanted to join but she hadn't brought a swimming suit with her, and she wasn't so sure how going to the pool in her underwear with him. Maybe she'll join later, after she's finished with her cake. She'll have to thank the cook or tell one of the employees to do so because, _damn_ , this cake is doing things for her. It's funny, how good she feels right now ; she had woken up from her nap and she had felt so .. just so good, _lighter_ somehow. She is trying to indulge in the feeling, trying to keep it going. Maybe, maybe it's her healing, maybe she's becoming happy again.

 

She puts her empty plate down, and stands up, stretching her body. She leans on the metal rail and looks down, she can see James, swimming his life away apparently. She watches and stares as his long, muscular body seems to glide on top of the water, she watches as he seems to glow under the reflection of all the lights, she watches as he moves through the water, so elegantly, so gracefully, in a way she didn't know he could. She thinks she shouldn't stare, she feels like she's intruding somehow, but she can't tear her eyes off of him. She wonders about him, how he was before, in the 1940s, how he must have been, what did he like, what his insterests were, or are. She thinks he must have been a heartbreaker back in the day, someone with a smile and eyes like his must have been, girls must have been falling at his feet, just like Linda had. Wanda rolls her eyes at the thought, but dismisses it very quickly, she's feeling very good and doesn't need to go back to being annoyed again.

 

She goes back to watching James, and he's stopped swimming now, he's still in the water, just resting by the side of the pool, she wonders what he's thinking about, what his mind is like, she wonders what he must be feeling like after everything. She realizes that she had never really asked him about it, he had been so present for her, she had never stopped to ask him how he was feeling. She makes a mental note to ask him how he's feeling when he's back ; he seems so peaceful right now, lounging in the water, the little movment of the water moving his body accordingly. Suddenly he's getting out, and she gasps a little at how his body just seems to float, how he moves out of the water in one quick efficient move and she walks away from the rail, and sits back on one of the garden chair. She waits for him to come back, which he does, a bit later than she expected, but he comes back and he's holding some snacks and a bottle of water, and she thinks he looks gorgeous right now, of course, she was aware of that fact but his long dripping hair casually slipped back away from his face, the bathrobe wrapped around his body so tight, but she shakes her head and gathers herself.

 

« So how was that swim ? » She asks him, and he looks up at her, and smiles, a bright one, and she's certain now, he must have been a heartbreaker back in the days, there's no doubt now.

 

« It felt amazing », he answers and his eyes are shining and she wishes she could capture this moment, remember it forever, she thinks he should always be like it. He joins her on the balcony and she makes some room for him, and he stands in the little corner of the rail, and takes a large breathe in the night air. She watches him, and he's so close now, and for some reason, it sets her off guard and she feels weird about it, something inside her screams that they can't, _shouldn't_ , be this close right now. He turns around, and his eyes fall on the empty plate.

 

« No chocolate cake left for me ? » He asks, and she suddenly feels so bad, because she didn't leave any and she probably should have, and her face must show what she's thinking because he just laughs, «  I am just kidding, don't worry. » He takes a snack bar out of his pocket and shows her, « I got my own sugar fix ! »

 

She smiles, and shakes her head ; she likes how easy the teasing always seems to happen between them, and she thinks she can ask him now, but she doesn't want to ruin the light mood, and maybe they're not that close, maybe she's just imagining things, but she has to ask.

 

« Can I ask you something ? » She says, and she's almost whispering, because she's not too sure if she can go through it but he's already looking at her, munching on his cereal bar, waiting for her to continue. She takes a deep breath and decides that this can only be good for him. «  How do you feel ? » When he furrows his eyebrows in confusion, she adds, « With everything that's been going on, we didn't really have time to talk about how you felt about what happened and I .. I want you to know that you can talk to me. »

 

He looks at her, just looks at her, for what seems like forever and she can hear her heart racing in her ribcage, and it's about to jump out of her.

 

« I am.. okay. » He finally speaks, and his eyes don't leave hers, «  I am dealing with .. everything that I am feeling. And It's okay, and I am okay, but at the same time.. dealing with it is exhausting and sometimes I don't want to deal with it, I just wants to forget about the whole thing.. », he trails off and he sighs and then proceeds, «  There are moments where I think about everything that's happened and somehow, it doesn't .. phase me in any way, and I think that's fucked up, right ? I mean, have I gone through so much shit that now my bestfriend dying doesn't mean anything to me ? Have I gone through so much shit that I've just become numb to it all ? » He's letting it out , and she can see it hurts him, but she can also feel a bit of the weight lifting from his shoulders. She wants to reach out and comfort him but she doesn't know if she can, if he'll let her, so she doesn't and just hopes that her presence is comforting enough.

 

« Sometimes I am scared too.. I am scared that, no matter how hard I try to process everything, I'll never be completely fine again. » And she hates how broken his voice sounds then, how he seems like he's about to cry , and she hates herself even more for bringing it up. Her hand itches to reach out for him, but she doesn't think she could bring any comfort right now, after all she brought it up, it's her fault.

 

« I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you sad.. » she whispers, and she knows it's not enough, it's a pathetic excuse for an apology but it's all she can do.

 

He just shrugs, and sighs, and runs a hand through his hair, and a strand of hair fall in front of his eyes, and Wanda feels the sudden urge to touch it, but she stops herself. « It's alright, talking about it helps, I can't keep it inside all the time. »

 

She wonders if she should talk too, talk about how she felt, feels, but no, it's not her moment she realizes, it's James's, so she just sits here and tries to be the best friend she can be. They stay there in silence and it's not uncomfortable, far from it, at least not for her, and they stay there for a while longer, looking at the little town, lit up by the street lights.

 

 

\----

 

It's much later when she wakes up, and at first she's confused, because it's the middle of the night, and what could have possibly awaken her at 3 a.m ? But then she hears it, a whimper, and she turns around and she sees James, and he's tossing, and turning, and whining at the same time. She sits up a little, and she can see a sheen layer of sweat on his body, she can see the troubled look on his face. Getting off her bed, she crosses the space between their beds, and she can hear whispering things under his breath – _no , no, no_ – and it breaks her heart because he's having a nightmare, and she doesn't know if she should wake him, but she can't let him, right, she can't. She extends her hand, saying his name, and it's barely a whisper, and he doesn't wake him up then, and she has to touch him, because she can't leave him like this, and she touches his skin, and it's barely a graze, but he just wakes up then, and it's so sudden, and he opens his eyes and jumps out of the bed and he backs away in a corner and Wanda just stays there and she's a little shocked and she doesn't know if she should go up to him,

 

« James ? »

 

She slowly walks around the bed, where he's been scrouching, and she can see him shaking, and god, she needs to do something, she can't leave him like this, and she walks, _runs_ , to him and crouches in front of him and takes his face in her hands, and his eyes are running, they're far away from her and she needs him back, she needs him back with her.

 

« James, look at me, James, it's okay, you're okay, you're with me. » She says to him, and she's shaking herself she realizes as his eyes seems to see her finally. They focus on her and then, a soft _Wanda_ escape his lips, and she nods vigorously and doesn't let go of him.

 

« Yes, you're with me now, it's okay, you're safe, you're with me.. » He seems to slowly register her words and come back to her, and he suddenly starts to eye her body up and down, and she would lie if she said she didn't feel slightly embarassed.

 

« I didn't hurt you, didn't I ? » He asks, his eyes back on her face and _oh_ , oh god, god he's good, _he's too good_ , and she smiles at him. She pushes back a little strand of his hair and shakes her head.

 

« You would never hurt me. » And she's honest as she speaks, because she does know he would never, he wouldn't hurt her , she trusts him enough to know that.

 

He looks at her and his eyes are sad, and it's a sadness she doesn't understand, and he just sighs. «  Thanks .. for.. » And he gets up, and goes back in his bed, and she is suddenly met with the cold emptiness in her hands where his face was only a second ago, and she stays there, in the corner of the room, crouching, before slowly getting up and going back to her bed as well. She settles under her covers and turns to James ; he's covering his face with his arm, she can't see his expression, she wishes she could, she wishes she knew what he thought, and she knows she can, but she doesn't want to use her powers on him. So she just lays on her side, and watches him, hoping her presence is enough once again.

 


	6. Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW : There's talks of sex in this chapter, if you're asexual/sex-repulsed, you might want to skip the last part, or the chapter altogether. I am demisexual and I can understand how this might be uncomfortable for those on the a-spec! 
> 
> Enjoy regardless :)

  1. Bucky




 

 

He woke up feeling sore, and he groans at the sensation, his whole body feels tight and stiff and his neck aches as he rises from his bed slowly, he stretches his arms, and he hears his back and his shoulder blades crack and he whines a little. He turns towards Wanda's bed, and smiles a little at the sight ; she's sleeping safely, and he's suddenly met with sadness. He hates himself for what happened last night, he only remembers bits and pieces of his nightmare but he vividly remembers what brought him back. He remembers being _there_ , cold, alone, looking for him , and suddenly he heard his name, she was calling his name, talking to him, and then he had seen her green eyes and he had been back in the room and she had looked so afraid, she had been shaking. He had been terrified that he had hurt her, because why else would she let herself be that close to him that way ? He had shut her out after, but he had needed time, time to process everything in his mind, time to collect himself, and he felt bad for doing so, but he didn't know how to act with someone after his nightmares ; he had always been alone after ; how do you let someone in when you don't know how to ?

 

With a sigh, he walks towards the little balcony and takes a few deep breathes in, closing his eyes, taking in his surroundings, trying to be aware of every nerve of his body. Once again, he repeats the words Shuri taught him to control himself, to control his feelings. He takes a few more moments, to calm himself. It's still very early, the sun is still very low in the sky, and he thinks about their journey, they still have a long way to go before they reach Anchorage, what if he has another nightmare ? What if he ends up hurting her at some point ? What if he ends up hurting her, or _worse_ , because he can't come back from his nightmare ? God, he doesn't even want to think about it.

 

« James ? » He hears her, calling his name again, and for a second he even thinks it's in his head, but when he walks back inside, he sees her, sitting up on her bed, and he ignores his heart once more and how it flutters at the sight before him. She's sitting up in the bed, her ginger hair all messy but somehow beautiful, her big green eyes looking up at him, and she lets out a sigh as she sees him, and a smile appears. « I thought you had left me or something. »

 

He smiles and shakes his head, and walks towards her ; for a second, he thinks about sitting next to her on her bed, but decides against it last minute, and sits on his. « I am sorry about last night. » He apologizes and he hates how weak he sounds, there's a knot in his throat and he can't shake it off.

 

«You don't have to apologize, it's not your fault.. » She says and she sounds sincere, and he wonders how can she believe him that much ?

 

« Wanda, I could've hurt you, badly, » He says, « If you want to go back to New York, or- »

 

« What ? Wait, wait a minute, » Wanda interrupts him, and he looks up at her and he's surprised to see a determined expression on her face. «  You _didn't_ hurt me, and I know that you would never hurt me. I know it. I am not leaving. »

 

He sighs and rubs his face with his hands, he wants to fight, tell her that she shouldn't trust him not to hurt her, he wants to tell her that she should be running back to New York, where she can be safe, but a part of him, a selfish part, doesn't want her to leave. He likes having her around, it's easy to be around her, but he'll probably jump off of a cliff before he admits it out loud. Looking back at her, he shakes his head.

 

«  _Fine_ , but if you get choked to death in your sleep, don't come and complain about it. » He says, and he's teasing, and it's playful and she laughs and he sees her shrug.

 

« I'd just get inside your mind and get you to let go. » She says, and she falls back on her bed.

 

«Sounds kinky, » the words are out of his mouth, before he even thinks them and he bites his lip when he realize what he just said. He can feel the heat on his cheeks, as Wanda raises an eyebrow at him.

 

Propping herself up on her elbows, she smirks, «  Is there something you'd like to tell me, Sergent Barnes ? »

 

His former title coming out of her mouth, in that tone of voice, does things to him, and he looks at her, and an urge to .. _no_ , _no_ , _no_ , he can't be thinking of her that way. They're friends, good friends, and nothing else.

 

« I am going to take a shower. » He states simply, ignoring her questions, and gets up and hurries to grab his clothes and runs for the bathroom. Once there, he opens the water, and let it run for a few minutes ; staring at his reflection in the mirror, he stares for a moment.

 

«  _What are you doing, Buck.._  » he whispers to himself, and it's sad, because he's been helpless before, but somehow, he's always been able to figure his way out, but right now, he's not sure he can.

 

 

\-------------

 

«What now ? » He asks, as he grabs a second box of the snacks, and puts it in their little basket. Wanda just shakes her head, but she's chuckling under her breath, and he knows she's mocking him in her head. « Come on, just say it. »

 

« Nothing, I just never pictured you for a Hostess Cupcakes kinda guy. » She says, with a shrug, as she puts three bottles of water in their basket.

 

« Oh yeah ?  What did you picture me as ? » He asks.

 

« More like Reeses' Cup I guess. »

 

« Ew, god no, I hate peanut butter, » He says, and he's following her as they head towards the cold section. Sandwiches for the road might be a good idea, and they both take a few – turkey and rye for her, and plain chicken and cheese for him. He notices her little smile when she sees what he's taking. «  What is it ? »

 

« Nothing, » she shakes her head, and turns around, so he can't see her face.

 

« No come on, tell me, » he insists.

 

She walks in the perfume section and just runs her fingers along the price tags. «  Chicken and cheese sandwich was my brother's favorite sandwich .. » she trails off, and keeps walking in the aisle, and Bucky mentally slaps him for pushing the issue.

 

« I'm sorry. » And he hates that it's all he can do. « I can get something else, I don't mind ! » He's already turning around to put the sandwiches back when she grabs his elbow.

 

« Come on, it's fine ! » She tells him and she's smiling but it's sad and he wishes he knew how to make it better. «  It's okay, I just.. I really miss him.» Her voice breaks, and she takes a sharp breath in, and there are tears in her eyes, and Bucky doesn't know what to do, he doesn't know what to say. So he puts the basket on the floor, and brings Wanda in his arms, softly wrapping his arms around her, and holds her. And he feels her body stiffening a little, at first, but then she relaxes and she lets out a sob, and then another , then they don't stop, and he rubs her back gently, letting her know it's okay. He lets her cry in his arms, because he knows no words would be able to relieve the pain she feels right now, he knows it all too well.

 

They stay here for a while, even after she stops crying, and he doesn't push her away, and she doesn't either. It's only when a kid comes running in the aisle they're standing in that they come back to reality. She's looking up at him, not letting go of him, and he's not letting go of her, and they're so close, and he'll lie if he says his heart isn't racing a little, and he catches her eyes flicker to his lips for a quick second, and they're so close, but no, _he can't_ , they're friends, and she lost too much, and he lost too much, so he clears his throat and unwraps his arms from her tiny frame, taking a step back.

 

« Feeling better ? » He asks, as he grabs the basket away ; Wanda is still staring straight ahead, not really looking at him. Tilting his head and lowering his head a little to reach her height, he tries to get attention. « Wanda ? »

 

She's brought to reality and shakes her head, and nods quickly. «  Yeh, we should go ! » She turns around and walks away and he follows her, a little confused, but does nontheless.

 

\--------

 

« I'm pretty sure this song is about sex. » She blurts out and his lungs almost make their way out his throat. He coughs a little, but tries to gather himself and drives safely.

 

« Excuse me ? » He asks, and he hadn't really been paying attention to the music playing on the radio, but now he's trying to listen to the lyrics the female artist is singing.

 

 _You'll believe God is a woman_  
And I, I feel it after midnight  
A feeling that you can't fight  
My one, it lingers when we're done  
You'll believe God is a woman  
  
I tell you all the things you should know  
So, baby, take my hand, save your soul  
We can make it last, take it slow, hmm  
And I can tell that you know I know how I want it, yeah  
That you different from the rest  
And boy, if you confess, you might get blessed  
See if you deserve what comes next  
I'm tellin' you the way I like it, how I want it 

 

Bucky swallows the lump in his throat, because, well, the song might be about sex. He doesn't say anything, and he doesn't expect Wanda to add anything, after the song is finished playing ; but she does.

 

« Have you ever thought that ? » She asks, and he's confused for a minute.

 

«Thought what ? »

 

« Have you ever had such good sex that you thought God is a woman ? » And he thinks he's about to choke on his own saliva right then and there, and he's akmost begging God, woman or man, to take him so he can avoid answering this question.

 

« Huh.. » He tries to think of an answer. « I don't.. » She's looking at him, moving around in her seat to have a clear view of him and he feels even more embarassed. «  I just never really thought about it. »

 

« So you never had amazing sex ? » And he doesn't know how she can just say those things so simply. Aren't girls supposed to ..gosh, he doesn't even know anymore.

 

« No, I have, It's just.. I don't really think about that. » He answers, and he adds , after a moment, «  I tend to focus more on my partner than me when it comes down to it. »

 

He sees her nods out of the corner of his eye, and a question is burning his tongue, and he thinks it's now or never, he might never get the chance to ask so he might as well jump. « Can I ask you a question ? To which you do not have to answer if you don't want to, I just want you to know that I respect your privacy but I- »

 

« Just ask, James ! » She chuckles, and he takes a deep breathe. _Here goes nothing_ , he thinks.

 

« Did you and Vision ever.. did it ? » That's it. There's no going back now, and he tries to keep a straight face, staring at the road in front of him. A few minutes pass where she doesn't talk and neither does he, and he's too embarassed to look at her, and he's about to jump out of the car to avoid this embarassing moment when she speaks again.

 

« We.. never did. At least, not in the technical part. » Her voice is stern, when she speaks, but somehow, he knows it's all an act, he doesn't know how but he just knows. « He's technically a robot, so he can't.. _couldn't_  .But we did stuff. » She sighs, and runs a hand through her hair and now she's staring at the road too. «  But it just seems superficial, because our moments were always so short, stolen, and in the end it didn't matter. But now , a part of me thinks it should have mattered, that physical connection is important too, and we didn't have that. We had everything else but not that, and it's like.. something is missing in a way. »

 

He doesn't know what to say, he wasn't really expecting that, definetely not, and he reaches for her hand, and at his surprise, she doesn't flinch, or wince at his touch, no, he even feels her right hand over his, as he's holding her left one, and it happens in a matter of seconds, but somehow it means a lot to him and he's not sure why.

 

Composing himself, he says « One day, you'll meet someone and you'll have everything. » and he hopes that for her, he really does, she deserves it he thinks, she deserves to have everything good in this world. He sees her little smile, tugging the corner of her lips and it's not a bright large one, but it's there, and it's enough. And her hands are still covering his, and they're warm, and he feels warm inside too, and he's trying not to smile, or at least hide it as best as he can, but he can't, but that's okay.

 

 

 


	7. Wanda

7\. Wanda

 

Wanda is singing along to the song playing in the dinner they stopped at. They're in Sandusky, they've been on the road for four days now, and she had to beg that they stopped for a good night of sleep, James was evidently tired from the road, and in the back of her mind, she has a plan to steal the keys from him so she would the one driving for a couple of days. She knows he'll object if she suggests it so she has to be sneaky. She knows he hasn't really been sleeping that well for the last few nights, she could hear him sometimes, whimpering and whining, and she would get up, and gently grab his hand, whispering his name, until he calmed down. He would eventually, and she would stay by his bed, and hold his hand. She finds it odd, how even after he had calmed down, she would still stay, hold his hand, watch him fall back into a dreamless slumber. She would always leave before he'd wake up, and slip back under her covers. He hadn't mentionned it in the three nights it had happened, and sometimes she wonders if he even knows. She's not going to say anything, she's .. confused herself. In the last week they've spent together, they've gotten closer. She knows his habits and he knows hers, and it's funny how they seem to just fit around eachother. She knows when to give him space, she knows when to tease him and when to be serious, each day, she learns something new about him. She knows he likes his fries to be a little cold, and extra salty, and his meat just barely cooked. She knows he likes to humm songs under his breath, and the sound soothes her. She knows what his smile looks like when he sees a flock of cows when they pass a small town, or how light his voice sounds when he talks about his time in Wakanda, what he learned there, she knows he's fascinated by science and space. She likes to listen to him talk about what he likes, he's always so ..alive, his eyes, so blue, light up whenever he explains one of his theories regarding space – he's certain that there are other versions of them in the multiverse, and she likes to think there's a universe where they're all alive and happy – and she likes it, knowing him.

 

And maybe she's being selfish, maybe it's selfish to know all of this about him, to have him let her know all of this about him when she doesn't share back. She wants to, some part of her tells her that she can, that it's okay for her to do so, but another part reminds her of Pietro, of her parents, of Vision, of Steve, of Clint, of everyone she's lost in such a short time, and somehow, she knows that it'll hurt when he'll leave. Because he will. She knows it, she's on borrowed time with him, and maybe she's selfish for not wanting to let him go, maybe a small part of her hopes he might stay regardless of what she might let him know, eventhough it's wishful thinking.

 

 

But right now, they're mostly silent ; James is sipping on his beer, leaning in the far corner of his booth and she's sitting opposite him, her fingers tapping on the table to the beat of the song. They are a few people dancing on the little improvised dancefloor in the dinner, a few couples, and a few single people too. She watches one of the couples, how they hold eachother, how their eyes are closed but how they seem to speak and understand eachother without needing a word, she watches as the man burries his face in the woman's neck and holds her closer, how she sighs against his skin. She can't help but watch and long for something like this. She watches them and she thinks about how they get to go home to eachother every single day, how they get to wake up to each other every morning. She watches them and she thinks about Vision, killed by a monster, she thinks about all their stolen moments as wanted criminals, all the days they didn't get to spend together, all the ones they will never spend together.

 

« Do you think one day we'll be as happy as them ? » She asks without really thinking about it, the words just cross her lips before she can stop them, and she almost wishes James didn't hear her. But of course, she's not that lucky.

 

« I think.. happiness is a process. » He answers, and she turns to him.

 

« What do you mean ? »

 

« People just don't wake up one day and are happy. » He continues, before taking a sip of his beer. « The richest man in the world right now probably isn't happy. Happiness comes from within, be happy within yourself, with yourself, and then you'll be happy with others. »

 

She rolls her eyes at his answer, because how can he say this, knowing everything that's happened to them ? How can he say this knowing everything they've lost ? « That's bullshit. » She spits out.

 

« How so ? »

 

« It's ..too idealistic. Be happy within yourself and then you'll be happy with others ?  What does that even mean ? » She snaps at him.

 

He raises an eyebrow at her, and stares at her, and she is suddenly filled with anger, with rage, she wants to punch a wall, she wants to scream at the world.

 

«You know what ? Just forget about it. » She says, as she grabs her jacket and slides out of the booth. She walks out of the dinner, and the cold night air doesn't even startle her as she just walks back to their hotel. She doesn't hear footsteps behind her, and somehow, that makes her even more angry. She realizes a small part of her hoped he would follow her, and then she could scream at him some more. God, she hates him, she hates him so much. She gets to their hotel in no time and just walks straight to their room, ignoring the smile the man behind the desk gives her. She doesn't feel like smiling, she doesn't feel like being nice. She walks into their hotel room and slams the door, eventhough there's no one to complain about it. She paces around the room a few times, before walking to her bed ; taking the pillow, she buries her face in it and lets out a scream. Once, twice, three times. She lets her anger and frustration out and she's not sure why she does so, because the pain inside doesn't die, it doesn't leave, and she still feels just as bad, and it's worse. And then she's crying, she's crying and her chest is tight, and her heart is racing in her chest, and it's like there's a sledgehammer on her lungs, and she's not strong enough to take it off. And she hates it. She hates Ultron, she hates Stryker, she hates Secretary Ross, she hates Thanos, she hates Vision, she hates James, she hates them, all of them. She falls back on her bed, crying some more, letting it all out. She wishes Pietro was there, she knows exactly what he'd do or say. He would hold her, her tiny hand in his massive ones, and he would caress her hair, and tell her that she has five more minutes of crying before she has to get up and be strong again. She smiles through the tears at the memory, her brother had always been a prankster, a charmer in his own right, but he was strong, stronger than anyone would ever know. After their parents' death, he had taken care of her more than she'd care to admit. He had protected her through everything, and now she's all alone.

 

She doesn't exactly knows when James comes back, but it's probably been a couple hours since her little scene in the dinner ; she's still laying on her bed, clutching the pillow tightly against her chest, when she hears the door of their room being opened. Quiet footsteps enter , and she closes her eyes, she doesn't want to talk to him right now. She doesn't want him to see the wet trails of tears on her cheeks, or her puffy eyes. She can hear him around the room, and she wonders if he's going to try to talk to her, she wonders if she even deserves it right now. She feels him walking around and approaching the beds.

 

« I know you're not sleeping. »

 

Well, _fuck_. So much for being sneaky. She opens her eyes, and turns towards his bed, still holding the pillow against her chest, it feels like a shield, maybe if she holds it close enough, he won't see she's shaking. She doesn't look up at him, doesn't meet his eyes, but she knows he's watching her.

 

« Do you want to talk ? » He asks, and his voice is soft, gentle, not at all what she expected. She shakes her head, eventhough there's a part of her that screams yes. « Alright. It's your choice. I don't know why you're angry, I don't know why you yelled at me, I don't know what you're thinking most of the time, because you don't talk to me. And that hurts, Wanda. It hurts because I want to be there for you, I want to.. I want to be your friend. But I can only do that if you let me. »

 

She sees new tears falling on the pillow, and they taste bitter on her lips. «  I'm sorry. » And she is, she's sorry for being so mean, so rude, for leaving in the dinner, for letting out her anger on him when he doesn't deserve it. « I'm sorry I took my anger out on you. »

 

« It's okay », He says. «  You had to take it out on somebody. I'm glad you felt safe enough to take it out on me. »

 

« But you don't deserve it. You did nothing wrong. »

 

He sighs and rubs his face with his hands. «  I've done plenty wrong. » And it's a whisper, he's not really talking to her when he says that, she knows, but she still hears it, and it breaks her heart, because she knows exactly what he means.

 

« But not to me. » She whispers back. « You've always been kind to me. Even now, I've been a bitch to you and you're still here.. »

 

He furrows his eyebrows, confused. «  Of course, like I said, we're friends. Friends don't give up on eachother. »

 

His words reach her, and she wants to cry, and she wants to jump in his arms, and cry, and her skin itches for a touch. But she stays on her bed and he stays on his. He rises and walks towards his bag, and she watches as he walks, as his whole body moves, so swiftly through the room.

 

« I'm going to take a shower. » He announces and walks towards the bathroom, and she nods, but she doubts he can see it. She hears the water running and she lays back down.

 

She thinks about leaving, she would do him a favor really. He doesn't need a girl acting like a brat on a trip that's supposed to be his way of mourning. She's been complicated to say the least, and it's only fair that she leaves him. It's supposed to be his journey, she's not doing him any good. If he was alone, he would have more fun, he could do what he actually wants. She could go back to New York, she can get a train or a plane, she has enough money for that. She could stay at the new compound and train with the others, and she could go back normal. She thinks about Sam, and Scott and Hope and Peter, and she misses them , she does. They all bonded so much, when they were all trapped in the Soul World. Her mind is set, she'll tell James when he's out of the shower, she'll leave in the morning, and he can continue on his trip, without her slowing him down.

 

She's sitting on her bed when he gets out, his long dark hair all dripping, he's not wearing a shirt, only his sweatpants, and she quickly adverts her eyes, as he's putting on his t-shirt, and looking up at him, as he rubs the towel over his head, she thinks she can't. She can't leave him, she can't quit him. But it's a selfish thought and she pushes it to the side.

 

« So, I've thought about it. » She speaks up and he turns to her. « I should go back to New York. »

 

His eyes are still on her, and he rises to his full height, watching her intently . He leans against the wall, and keeps watching her. « Okay. »

 

It stings. It stings like hell, and the silence between them defeaning and she feels her heart tightening but she nods. She's doing the right thing, she tells herself.

 

« It's what's right. » She says, and she blinks the tears away. « You'll enjoy your trip more that way. »

 

His eyes don't leave her, and she wishes he would look away, maybe she'd feel better about leaving them, maybe it wouldn't be so hard. « Why ? »

 

She shrugs, « It'll be better for you. You'll be able to do what you want. »

 

« You have no idea of what I want. » And his answer is immediate, and she can see something hanging from his lips, on the edge, and she searches for it in his eyes. But now he's getting closer, he's walking towards her, and she feels a tension rising and he's close, he's sitting on her bed, only beats away from her, she hates how she can almost feel his breath on her skin, she hates that she loves it. Oh, _oh_ , gosh, he's so close. And she's reminded of their moment in the store, days ago, how close they had been, and how for a second, she really thought he was going to kiss her. And how, for a brief second, she had wanted him to.

 

« Why do you think I asked you on this trip ? » His questions lingers in the short space between them. Once again, she shrugs, because she doesn't know. He takes a deep breathe in, and speaks again. « I asked you because it didn't feel right leaving you behind. I saw you, and you were so.. down, lonely, and I was too, and I know you were hurting then. God, you're still hurting now, I know it, I can feel it, I don't have your abilities, but I can. So leaving you wasn't an option, it wasn't then, and it's not now. »

 

She's stunned by his words ; she takes a while to process them, and a part of her doesn't believe him, doesn't believe anyone could actually want her around, but a part of her looks into her eyes and believes that he's honest. And she wants to listen to that little part of her.

 

« But you'll leave. » And she doesn't mean for the words to come out, and he heard them – she knows by the way his eyes just widens and then searches for hers – so there's no point wishing he hadn't. And she looks at him, and he seems to realize something, what, she's not sure, but then he speaks again.

 

«I am here now, am I ? I am not leaving. » And his hands reach for her face, and then he places a kiss on her forehead, and the gesture is only too familiar - but can something that happened years ago still be familiar? - ; and his hands are warm on her cheeks – even the vibranium one, and somehow she can't help but notice at how different it feels from Vision's – and his lips stay for a few more seconds on her, before he pulls away, and she almost wants to reach for him and tell him to stay. But she doesn't. «  You should get some sleep. »

 

And he leaves her bed, and turns off the lights and then he slips into his own, and she watches him as his back faces her, and she lies back down, and stares. There's a shift, she knows, she feels it in the space between us, it's thicker but somehow lighter too, and she's not sure if it's good or bad. But she stares through that space, and she thinks about his theory about the multiverse, and she hopes there's a version of her that is not afraid of reaching for him through the space. 

 


	8. Bucky

  1. Bucky




 

He lies awake for a long time after she's fallen asleep, her words still loud and vibrant in his mind. _But you'll leave_ . He had been a real idiot to not see it earlier, it had always been there he realized as she had said those words to him. How she didn't really let him in, not completely, how she would always listen but still be a little distant. She was scared, scared he might leave, scared he'd just go. Gosh, far from him that idea ; he had been completely honest telling her why he asked her on the trip with him. Leaving her didn't feel right ; and when she had said she'd leave and go back to New York, gosh, his heart may have skipped a beat or two out of shock. But he knew there was something more. Gosh, had he been a blind idiot.

 

He turns to her, to her bed, and she's lying flat on her stomach, one arm hanging over the edge of the bed ; the sight warms him inside, and he sighs. He really needs to stop this little crush he has, the girl doesn't deserve to deal with his stupid feelings, whatever they are, on top of everything, she's going through enough already. God, he wishes Steve was here, he really needs his bestfriend, he so wishes they had more time, more time to talk, more time to have fun, more time to go on this trip together, just more time. But it always ends in a fight, he's always known this to be true. He wonders what would have happened, had they all survived. Would they be able to go back to normal life ? Would Steve and him have gone on this trip together ? Would Wanda and Vision still be together ? He shakes his head at the thought. _Stop with the crush, Buck !_ he tells himself. He wishes he could go down by the hotel pool – the water helps, it helps to focus - but it's very late. Wait, what time is it ? He looks at the little clock on the bedside table, and it's 11:30 pm. Technically , the pool is off limit at this hour, but gosh, he really could use a swim. He needs to focus on something other than his stupid heart racing, or the fact that he misses his bestfriend. He'll probably be told off ; but only if he gets caught, his brain tells him, and oh well. Slowly, making sure he doesn't wake Wanda up, he gets up and grabs a towel before leaving the room. He makes his way to the hall, and sneaks around towards the pool ; there's no one around, obviously, and he slowly sinks into the pool, after taking his clothes off and dropping his towel by the edge. The water surrounds him and he feels better already, and he dives in, and the coldness of the water is welcome, and his brain shuts off, and for a while, it's just him and the water and his strides in the water. He doesn't think about the fact that he is not allowed to be here right now, he doesn't think about the numbness in his heart at the thought of his bestfriend, he doesn't think about Wanda laying in bed, 5 stories up. No, right now, it's just him and the water, and it feels good.

 

He's stopped when he notices a silhouette standing on the edge of the pool ; he reaches there in a few strides and he's almost ready to being told off by one of the hotel staff but when he reaches the surface, he meets green eyes and they're looking down on him, and Bucky is desperately trying to overcome the fact that Wanda is standing there, in a tank top and very short shorts, and that he's only human, and that he probably needs to stop staring her.

 

« You need to stop not being there when I wake up. » She says, and he curses himself because of course, he has to go and encourage her abandonment issues. _Great job, Bucky, really, great fucking job !_

 

« Sorry, I.. » He quickly thinks of an excuse. «  I couldn't sleep. » _Pathetic_ , his brain tells him.

 

Wanda sits on the edge of the pool, and her legs sink in the water, right next to where he is, and he sinks a little bit deeper himself. He can see the lights reflecting on the pool on her face, and she's still a little sleepy and she's bobbing her head from side to side, like a child. « Did you have a nightmare ? »

 

He shakes his head, truthfully. «  No, I just couldn't fall asleep. Brain couldn't shut off. »

 

« Why ? »

 

It's such a simple question, and the answer is sitting on his lips. Because he misses his bestfriend and can't get him back, because he thinks he likes her but she's grieving the love of her life, and he doesn't deserve her. It's all there, waiting to be said. But he just stares at the edge of the pool, focusing on a little dent in the concrete, and shrugs. « I don't know. »

 

« You should've woken me up. » She says, and he can't help a smile and he looks up.

 

« You need your sleep. » He says, and flipping his head back,with his eyes closed, adds « Plus, the water helps. »

 

« How so ? »

 

« Everything is slower here. Like the outside world is in slow motion, and I can focus on just being here and nothing else. » He's probably not making any sense, but he can't really think straight. He's too aware of the small distance between them, he's too aware of the fact that it would take one second for him to reach for her face and kiss her. But he won't.

 

« God, I wish I could find a place like this, » she whispers, her hands is playing with the water, scooping it, letting it out, and he's watching her as she does so.

 

« Feeling like you need to get away ? »

 

« Desperately. » She whispers. He senses she wants to say something more, but he doesn't want to push, doesn't to insist if she doesn't want to. « I hope I am happier in an other life. »

 

« You can be happy in this one. » She's now scooping water and letting it fall on the skin of her knees and Bucky is trying to avoid thinking about how it must feel like.

 

« You think so ? » She's watching him, and she's scooping water again, but this time she lets it fall on his shoulder, the one with the vibranium arm, but it still reaches his skin, and it's cold, and he's cold, but the gesture sets a fire inside of him, he's ablaze and franctically trying to find a steady breathing rythm again.

 

He nods at her, «  I think you can have everything you want if you try hard enough. » And he hopes she does, he hopes she tries and goes after what she wants, she deserves it.

 

« But what if what I want is too good for me ? What if what I want is wrong ? » Her eyes are on his the whole time, and Bucky feels as if he's under a spell, she's still playing with the water, still letting it fall on his shoulder, and the air feels dangerously intimate, and his throat suddenly feels dry as her fingers play with the water around him. Two paces and he could touch her. He wants to, but would she let him ? The answer is clear in his head, so he clears her throat, and moves a little further from her, to avoid further temptation.

 

« If you think about it, what we want is always a little too good for us, and it always feels a little wrong, because we think we don't deserve it. » And he's talking to himself more than he's talking to her now, and he hopes she doesn't see his lie. «  But I guess, in the end, if it feels right, then it doesn't really matter. Maybe it's selfish and greedy, but I think people like us deserve to have a little of what we want. »

 

And he can be her friend, he tells himself, if he can't have her as more than this, then he'll happily settle for friendship. Having her around is enough for him, he tells himself, he can do this. He can be a friend, friendly Bucky, yes, of course, he was born for this.

 

She only looks at him, and doesn't say anything. She's stopped moving, and he wishes she would tell him what's on her mind, but he knows she'll do it on her own terms, all he can do is wait and be the best friend he can be.

 

A shiver runs down his spine and he's suddenly freezing cold. «  We should get out of here. » He says, and he lifts himself out of the pool, and goes towards his towel, and wraps it around him. Wanda is still sitting there on the edge of the pool, and he hurts for her, he wishes he knew what to do. He approaches her, and scrouches next to her. «  You want to stay a few more minutes ? »

 

She turns to him, and shakes her head. « Then come on, little one, wouldn't want you to freeze to death ! » He ruffles her hair, and she pushes his arm away, laughing. He gets up and she's following him.

 

« Just because you're a few inches taller doesn't mean you get to call me little one ! »

 

« Oh,a little insecure, aren't we ? » He teases and pats the top of her head, and she pushes him away, and they playfully start to hit and punch and tickle eachother on their way to the lift. At some point, she touches his hair , all wet and she makes a face.

 

« Man, you need a haircut », she says, as they step in the lift.

 

He narrows his eyes at her, and then flicks his hair back, covering Wanda and the lift in droplets of water. « I've been told it's very in style these days. » He says, with his best californian accent.

 

« Oh yeh? You're gonna be a hair model now? » She laughs, and he just shrugs.

 

« I'd make a fortune. » He says, and then running his hand through his hair, «  everyone wants a piece of that. »

 

They step out of the elevator, and Wanda just shakes her in disbelief. «  I can't believe you just said that ! »

 

He bumps into her shoulder, «  You love it ! », and he shouldn't say things like that, he's dancing on a dangerous line here, but friends can do that, right ? Friends can tease eachother, friends can say those things to eachother, can't they ? And she smiles at him, and it's a bright one, a smile so bright,one he hasn't seen from her yet, and it takes his breath away , and he's at a loss for words, and she opens the door of their room, and for a quick second, he can't move, because _shit_ , this friendship thing is going to be hard. And he steps in, and he goes into the bathroom while she's drying her legs sitting on her bed, and he puts his clothes back on, and takes a deep breath in before going back in the room. She's laying in bed, playing with a strand of her hair, but Bucky walks towards his bed, eventhough the urge to go over there and kiss her is strong ; but he slips under his covers and lies back down. _Friends, friends, friends_ , the words go over in his mind like a mantra.

 

« Goodnight, James. »

 

« Goodnight, little one » , the words come out easily, way too easily, but then he receives a pillow right in his face and he laughs and if his heart skips a beat at the sound of her laughing, then it's no big deal.

 


	9. Wanda

  1. Wanda




 

« I am just saying », James states, «if dogs could talk, they'd probably be very friendly and loving, whereas cats.. cats would go for world domination or something. »

 

« So does that mean we can't have a cat in the compound ? » She still asks, she's secretly hoping he'll agree. He turns to her, and she's pulling her best sweet face possible, her brother never could refuse her anything whenever she pulled it off, so she hopes it still works.

 

« Fine, » he caves in, rolling his eyes, and she claps her hands together in victory, «  but you better keep that thing away from me. »

 

« Sure thing, grandpa ! » She teases, and she sees him smile, and it makes her smile too. They left Sandusky a couple of hours ago, and they seem to have woken up in great moods, and honestly, she's glad. Their discussion from last night is still fresh in her memory, and she's done a little bit of thinking, and maybe he's right, maybe she can be happy in this life too. She probably needs to figure out a few things first, but as she looks at James, his smile still playing on his lips, she feels good, and it's a start, she thinks.

 

They're approaching Chicago, and they've decided to stay there for lunch and walk around the city a little. Wanda is excited, she's always heard about Chicago and its beautiful places ; they've rounded up their stay to see the Art Institute first and then walk around ; she's got a good feeling about this, she doesn't know why but she feels like something good is about to happen.

 

 

A few hours later, as she's staring up at the waitress who's drooling on James' lap, she doesn't feel as good. The girl is young, tall, brunette with gorgeous hazel eyes, on any other day, Wanda would have been her friend, but right now, she's two seconds away from breaking her neck, without the need of her powers. James is smiling at her too, the idiot, the nerve he has to smile back at her, and Wanda rolls her eyes as the waitress leaves after their taking their order. Gosh, she wishes she could just scream and be mean, but something inside her tells her she has no reason to even be mad, so she quietly sits back and let the silence fill the space between them. Soon enough, their orders arrive and the waitress is again smiling too much, and Wanda doesn't miss James' grin as she hands him his food, and Wanda has the sudden urge to choke him with his fish. She's filled with rage, and even as James tries to talk to her during their lunch, she either groans or just shrugs and it must carry the message she wants because he keeps quiet too.

 

Her mood doesn't improve at the museum, when again, every five minutes, there's a girl trying to talk to James, asking directions or asking just ridiculous things – the worst is the teenagers coming up to him, and James answering them with the biggest smile ever – and she's been walking on her own for a little while,looking at the art, and installations. She notices a little family looking at the same art as her, and she smiles when she sees the son, obviously the oldest one, is just sighing the whole time, and he reminds me of her brother. She smiles thinking how Pietro would have done if he had come with James and Wanda to the Art Institute. He would've whined, complained, said that he didn't want to go and look at stupid art, but he still would've come, because Wanda would've wanted him to, and he would've done it for her. Because he was her brother, and she was his sister, and they would do anything for eachother. A wave of sadness overwhelms her and she adverts her gaze from the family, she's fighting back the tears when she feels a hand on her shoulder. She instantly knows it's James', and she tells herself that it's because she knows what his hand feels like, and not because of how familiar the warmth of his hand is on her skin, and most definitely not because his touch seems to appease her right away. And she wants to lean in, to turn around and let him hold her, and forget the world for a minute, but a voice in her head yells _how dare you_ so she steps away and his hand leaves her shoulder and she pretends she suddenly doesn't feel the cold where it was. She walks away, not giving a single glance back, and goes into the next room, hoping the next room would be full of people so she can focus on something other than her heart breaking.

 

The drive after Chicago is silent, and she hates it, they're used to the silence, but now, it's heavy, it's thick, it's uncomfortable, and she knows she is to blame, she knows. The radio is on, but James is not even singing along, he looks tense, or sad, or mad, and she wants to speak, she wants to ease the tension on his face, but she's paralyzed and she can't move or feel anything in her body. She's numb and she doesn't know how to get better.

 

\-----------------

 

« Would that be all ? » The waitress asks them, and they both nod, and Wanda thanks God or whoever is out there that she's a middle aged woman that doesn't seem to drool all over James' lap. She's pathetic she knows, and her jealousy is uncalled for but she can't help it. She's staring at her hands on her lap, and she can feel his eyes on her, and she's wondering when he's going to talk to her, when he's going to blow up and let it all out. It's only a matter of time now, she's testing the limits of his tolerance. She keeps telling herself that the sooner she pushes him away, the less it'll hurt when he eventually leaves.

 

Their orders arrive and she plays with her pasta, not really eating and she feels bad because the food looks delicious but her stomach is tied in knots and she doesn't think she can handle it.

 

« Everything alright ? » She tells herself she doesn't deserve the soft tone in his voice,and she just nods. « Wanda, please talk to me. » And he's gentle, and his voice is soft, but she still doesn't look up to him. What would she even say ?

 

« I'm going to the bar », and she flees, leaving him at the table and walks, _runs_ , to the bar, and she blurts out the name of a drink at the bartender and she's not even sure if she ever had scotch in her life. But the glass comes her way, and she drinks it in one go, and asks for another one, and she doesn't know why she does so. She doesn't like drinking, she hates it, but right now she needs to feel something, something else than the pain in her heart at the thought of her brother, something else than the guilt and the confusion, something else than James' eyes burning her neck. She can feel her phone ringing in her pocket but she doesn't even make a move to pick it up , she just downs her second glass of whiskey, and the bartender must be a telepath because he just fills her glass as soon as it''s empty. She thanks him with a nod, and downs the liquid, it doesn't even burn a throat anymore, and she whishes it could've stayed a bit longer so she could focus on that.

 

A man appears in her line of vision, he's standing at least less than two feet away from her and she thinks it's too close for a stranger to stand next to her. Doesn't he know she brings death to those close to her ? He should leave, she thinks, for his own good.

 

« Hi, can I buy you your next drink ? » The man asks, and _oh_ , maybe he can stay actually. She shows him her best smile and he gives his best one too.

 

« Who am I thanking for this kind gesture ? » She says, and the bartender fills her glass again and the amber liquid shines and it looks like molten gold, and she thinks it's pretty and her phone rings again in her pocket and the man is talking to her, but she's not really listening, she's catching words here and there and she's looking up at him, tilting her head, and the man – Jordan ? Dylan ? Allan ? whatever – is smiling back at her, and she should probably focus a little.

 

« Sorry, I got distracted , you were saying ? »

 

« I was just saying we don't see young women as beautiful as you here. »

 

«Well, someone got lucky then », and her words are dry, but she still flaunts a smile, but she's not sure if it's her or the drink now.

 

« I was thinking I could get luckier. » And he's moving closer, in her personal space , and his hand is on her waist , and it takes her a second to realize it but he's leaning in and she wants to push him away, but suddenly he's off, and James is in front of her, blocking her from the ones with the wandering hands.

 

« Hands off my girl, man », James says, and the man – gosh, she really should've listened to his name – backs away.

 

« Easy pal, we're just talking here », the guys says, and Wanda steps away from the bar , and her head spins a little, or is it the room ? , and she can feel something vibrating in her pocket but the man and James are now arguing, and they're on the verge of throwing hands, and she sees James' face and his whole body and he's tense with anger, and she hates it, she hates that it's her fault.

 

She leaves the dinner in a hurry, and the iciness of the air is startling and she almost wants to go back inside, but she doesn't, she keeps walking, she's not really sure where she's going. To New York maybe, she could go back, she wonders if her powers would be able to make her fly that far, maybe , probably not but it's a thought.

 

« Hey ! » She hears in her back, but she doesn't turn around, she doesn't stop , but she's halted by a hand on her arm, and it's James' , of course it's James', and she tries to get away but he's strong, stronger than her. «  Would you fucking stop ?! » And he's yelling, and it's loud in her head and she turns to him and god, she doesn't think she's ever seen him like this , _angry_. « What the hell is wrong with you ? »

 

She yanks her arm away from his grasp, and takes a step back. «  Why do you care ? », and she's yelling back and she's not sure she should, but she's not sure of anything right now, «  Aren't you busy making eyes at every girl in the streets ? »

 

James is clearly confused by her words. «  What ? What are you even talking about, Wanda ? »

 

« Oh please, don't tell me you're not even remotely aware of all those girls drooling all over you ! » She yells and she can feel her powers at the tips of her fingers, begging to be released, but she clenches her fists, because _no_. « Every five minutes, there's a girl throwing herself at you, and you're encouraging them ! With your big smile and nice attitude, for fuck sake, these girls are like three times younger than you, you could be their fucking dad ! »

 

She's out of breath and her throat hurts a little, but she keeps a straight face. James is staring at her, in confusion, and she wants to slap him, she wants to punch him right in the jaw for being so oblivious.

 

« Look », he sighs, « I don't know what you think is happening, but nobody is making eyes at me, and I am not encouraging anyone, alright ? I .. God, I am just being nice to people ! Is that a crime now ? »

 

Wanda shakes her head in disbelief, she crosses her arm over her chest, the cold of the night is starting to get to her and the fact that she forgot her jacket in the dinner doesn't help.

 

« Besides, if anyone is encouraging anyone, it's you with that guy », James adds, and she turns to him because _what_  ? «  Seriously, what the hell was that back there ? »

 

« What's it to you, anyway ? » She mumbles and she doesn't mean for it to come out, but it does anyway, and she already regrets the following.

 

« Because you're my friend, and I am not about to let you go off with some random guy you just met ! » And she looks at him, and she wants to ask him if they're really just friends. Do friends tease eachother like they do ? Do friends hold eachother the way they did back in the grocery store ? Do friends act the way she's been acting towards him ? Do friends know how the other's skin feels like on theirs ? Do friends know when they've stopped being friends ?

 

« Are you ? » She asks after a while and she doesn't miss the way the flash of fear in his eyes, and the way his bottom lip trembles at her words. She feels like she's waiting at a red line, and that if she goes before the light turns green, she'll crash, but if she waits too long after, she'll never know. « Are you my friend ? »

 

« Wanda, I.. » He starts but his phone rings and his words are left hanging in the air between us. He sighs before taking it out of his pocket. He frowns when he sees his screen, but he answers nonetheless, his eyes not leaving her, « Hey Sam, what's up ? … Huh, no, I don't know why she didn't answer... Mille Lacs Lake ? We're an hour or so away, I think... Okay.. We'll let you know … Yeh, you guys too, see you soon. »

 

He hangs up, and sighs. What he said over the phone had Wanda wondering what Sam had wanted. « Sam said Hope tried to call you for hours. » James says and she suddenly remembers her phone in her pocket and the dozens missed calls she probably has.

 

« Didn't feel it. » She lies, and he nods, but he knows she's lying, he knows her that much. « What did Sam say ? »

 

«There's been a few kids missing in New York, and today, someone reported they saw one of he kids around the Isle area. They're going to be here tomorrow morning to check the area. »

 

«Why are they taking care of this ? »

 

James sighs, and buries his hands in his pockets. «  Because the kids are supposedly enhanced. »

 

« Of course », she snorts and rolls her eyes. « And do we know who took them ? » He turns to her, and she sees him hesitate. « James ? »

 

« Rumors has it », he starts and he's taking a step towards her, «  it's someone affiliated to List. »

 

The air gets stuck in her throat. Memories comes back to her in flashes ; List standing over her as she lays on a surgery table, her brother's screams in the other room, the pain she felt the first time they use the sceptor's energy on her, the long days where she didn't see her brother while she was being experimented on.

 

«Hey, come here..» She feels James gently grabbing her hands, and it's only then she realized her powers had been on the edge and showing off on her fingertips. A few people have walked past them before and if they had seen her or her powers... «Look at me », he whispers and she is compelled to obey and she meets his eyes and he's searching for something in hers, and she knows he's reading her, she knows he's seeing everything she feels, and she hates that she's letting him. One of his hands, not the vibranium one, lets go of her clenched fist and she misses the warmth, and she hates that she does, but then it's on her neck, and he's bringing her closer, and his lips are next to her hair, and the air is stuck in her throat again, but it's not the same as before, and she feels the warmth from his body. She closes her eyes, because god, why is she suddenly so calm ? Why has her heartbeat slowed down somehow ?

 

« It's not him, okay ? List is gone. » He whispers, next to her hair, and she hates that he knows, knows what she's been thinking, knows what the name brought back to her , she hates that he knows how to calm her down, hates that no matter how high her walls are he still manages to get in. « We're going to catch whoever he is taking those kids, and bring him to justice, okay ? » And he's looking at her now, his blue eyes staring into her green eyes, and his hand is still around her neck and she can feel his breathing on her cheek and they're that close, one more step she could kiss. One second and they would be connected. She thinks about it, and they keep staring at eachother, and for a quick second, she thinks she sees it in his eyes, that same question she's been asking herself, _can she do it_?

 

But the moment passes, and she pretends she doesn't feel the difference when his hands leave her body, she pretends she doesn't feel the indentation his hands left on her.

 

« We should go back. » And his words are simple,and she just nods and then follows him as they walk back to their hotel, and silence fills the air, and she can sense unspoken words hanging in the air, but she doesn't entertain the thought of what they could be. They reach their rooms and get ready for bed in complete silence.

 

She wishes she could fall asleep, but her mind keeps thinking about earlier, their moment, and the abducted kids. She thinks about them and suddenly her heart aches at the thought of kids being taken and experimented on against their will. And it makes her think about her brother and herself, how they were just kids when they went and volunteered, with no other choice to survivre it seemed at the time, and how the first few days she had wishes that someone had barged into a room and saved them. God, she didn't even know when the kids were abducted, and tomorrow morning seems so far away..Without a second thought, she looks over on James' bed, sees his body not moving, and slowly and quietly gets out of her own bed. Putting her shoes back on, she then moves over towards the door, but a voice stops her.

 

« And where exactly do you think you're going ? »

 

 


	10. Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Introducing a new character in this one ! Very excited to have him ( and more to come ) a part of this story !  
> Enjoy the chapter!

  1. Bucky




 

« And where eactly do you think you're going ? » He sits up in his bed, and looks at Wanda, stopped in her tracks. He can't even believe she didn't wait until he's fallen asleep to leave – eventhough a part of him doubts he would've slept at all. She turns back to him, and her expression is one he recognizes all too well.

 

« I.. » She starts but she bites her next words on her lips and he wishes she felt safe enough to let them out. « I'm sorry, I can't sit here knowing there are kids out there being.. » She doesn't , or can't say the next words in her mind, but he knows what they are. And all he can do is sigh, and gets up from the bed, and goes over to his bag. He takes one of his jacket and a pair of pants, he hands the jacket to her , and her eyes search his but he doesn't let her see anything as he walks to the bathroom. He quickly puts the pants on, and exits the bathroom and finds Wanda staring at the jacket in her hands.

 

« It's cold outside. » He simply says and walks over to his bag. He takes most of his clothes out and unzips the hidden pocket at the bottom and takes out four guns and multiple cartridges.

 

« I don't need guns. » Wanda speaks, and he smirks.

 

« And that's why they're for me. » He places in the extra cartridges in his pockets, and takes out his knife. _Just in case_ , he tells himself.

 

« You don't have to come with me. »

 

« Don't be ridiculous now », he scoffs and puts on one of his bigger jackets. He stuffs the guns in the space between his jeans and his body.

 

« It could be dangerous. » Wanda's voice is pressing, almost shaking at the end, and she avoids his eyes, but he turns to her, and tilts his head.

 

«And still, you didn't have any second idea to walk out of the door.» He takes a few steps towards her, and locks his eyes with hers, « So can we go now ? »

 

She stares right into his eyes, and he's trying hard to slow down his heartbeat at their proximity, but he needs to be strong and push theses thoughts away. They're on a mission now, he has to keep the fate of the children in mind as well – and he tries to forget the little voice in his head that screams _but her safety first_.

 

 

\------

 

They've been walking for what seems like hours now, in the deep forest around the Mille Lacs Lake. They've been scouting every inch of the forest, but nothing has seemed out of the ordinary so far. He was somehow surprised at how Wanda and him seemed to just work well together considering they don't know eachother that much on the battlefield, and also the fact that they were fighting only three hours ago. He hopes that after this they can talk things out for real, and hopefully start understanding each other a bit more and communicate better.

 

Right now, he's walking two steps in front of her towards the north side of the lake. They're being as quiet as possible. They walk further towards the water and suddenly, something feels extremely weird. He feels like he just walked through something but he can't see anything as his sight gets blurry. He feels dizzy for a a couple of seconds but manages to shake it off really quickly.

 

« James ? » Wanda's hand turns him around and he opens his eyes and he can see her but the weird feeling doesn't go away. He looks around and he can spot something moving, but can't quite see it at the same time.

 

« Stay behind me. » He whispers and starts searching the area for the moving thing again. It's here, he knows it. But nothing's moving, there's no sound around the lake, the whole scenary is silent and it seems as if even the air around them is still. Bucky's eyes scan the area and it can feel it. He can feel something coming, his hands instinctively reach for his gun, and his fingers are on the trigger, ready to fire at any threat. He's holding his breath, and he can't hear Wanda breathing behind him but he feels her there, he can see energy flowing from her fingers, ready to hit at any given moment. His senses are on alert, and he is sure hers are on too.

 

Suddenly, a piercing ultrasound is heard, and they both fall to the ground, covering their ears, as they felt a wave of energy passing through them at the same time ; Bucky sees red waves and at first he thinks it's Wanda reacting to the high-pitched sound but when he turns to her, she's kneeling next to him, holding her head between her hands, and she's whimpering and he tries to reach for her but the sound is turning his brain into mush, and he can barely think and he feels something around them, moving at lightspeed and it's all too much and there's no more air coming in and he is desperately trying to reach for Wanda but he can't and he feels weak and he thinks he hears his name but it all fades to black before he can answer.

 

\------------------

 

When he wakes up, he can't feel anything. His head feels heavy, his whole body does and there's something hard under him. He finds the strength to open his eyes and he has to blink a few times to understand his surroundings. He recognizes cells bars, and the smell of gasoline strikes him next, and he uses his vibranium arm to get off the floor, and he tries hard but his whole body feels like he's been dipped into concrete. He looks around and can't see anyone else with him in the cell. That sets his brain back into function and he manages to get up quickly and he reaches the cells bars and shake them.

 

« Wanda ! Wanda ! Wanda ! » He yells and he hears his voice echo but he can't see anything apart from the wall in front of his cell.

 

« It's not gonna help, » Someone says, a boy, and he sounds young, and it comes from somewhere near his cell, but he can't see anything apart from that wall. « She can't hear you from where she is. » The boy speaks again and Bucky registers his words and slowly his heart sinks in his chest. She can't hear him from where she is.. Does that mean..

 

« I'm going to kill you.. » He whispers, resting his forehead against the cell, anger filling his body. She's gone, she's gone and he couldn't do anything to prevent it. She's gone and he didn't get to apologize for that fight, he didn't get to hold her one last time, he didn't get to tell her how he feels, he didn't get to see her be happy.

 

« What ? » The young boy exclaims. « Hey, all I did was bring you two in, my brother does all the mental work.. »

 

« Your brother killed Wanda.. »

 

« What ? What ?! Billy wouldn't ! » And Bucky hears indignation in the boy's voice and he tries to look on his right, where his voice comes from. « I mean.. I've only just met the guy but he seems decent.. »

 

« Who's Billy ? »

 

« Billy's my brother, my twin brother actually, but I only met him two weeks ago, » the boy says and Bucky frowns. «  I know, it's crazy, right ? My twin brother and I only met him two weeks ago ? Trust me, I was the first surprised ! »

 

« Nothing surprises me anymore.. » Bucky says and he leans back against the wall. «  What does your brother do ? » There's that hope that Wanda isn't dead, but still, he's not sure what this Billy kid does so, he's just gathering informations.

 

« I don't really know, I mean he's pretty powerful but I don't know if there's a limit or so.. » The kid answers. «  I am Tommy by the way . » A hand appears from the side of the wall, and Bucky extends his, out of habit mostly and shakes it.

 

« Bucky Barnes. »

 

« Nice to meet you, Mister Barnes. » Tommy says. « Sorry about what happened. I didn't mean to hurt you and your girlfriend. I am just doing what I am being told. »

 

Bucky sighs, and he realizes he's not even angry at the kid. He knows what it's like to not have a choice, to have only two bad options to choose and always regretting the one you pick.

 

« It's alright, kid. » He says , and he hopes Tommy hears the sincerity in his voice. «  Now, how about you explain to me what happened to you ? »

 

And he does, and Bucky is at a loss for words when he hears it. As it turns out, Tommy is also a victim. His parents divorced when he was very young , and after an accident at his highschool, he was sent to juvenile detention in a center with very advanced offensive and defensive technology. There, he went through experimentation – Bucky pretends he doesn't hear the crack in his voice as Tommy explains it all, - until someone going by the name of Nathaniel Richards broke him out. But it was only to use Tommy himself and Tommy was actually the one who lured Billy into helping Nathaniel, and then Nathaniel kept them locked here.

 

« I feel bad, you know ? » Tommy says. «  I never wanted any of this.. I wish I could have a simple life, have a few friends, have a job, travel the world.. meet my real parents.. but instead, I am helping a guy doing god-knows-what by using my newly found twin brother's powers. »

 

« Hey, don't beat yourself up.. » Bucky reassures him. «  Sometimes, the choices you're facing aren't all good, and when you gotta choose between bad and less bad.. well, you can only pray you don't regret it. »

 

« Been there ? »

 

« And done that. »

 

«Does it get better ? » Tommy asks and Bucky thinks about Steve, and Tony and all the ones they lost because a choice had to be made, and he thinks about how it still hurts, how it still stinks when he thinks about his bestfriend, when he turns around and he's not there. He thinks about Wanda, and how he couldn't protect her, he thinks about her and their fight and how he wishes he could have apologized in time. Now, she's God knows where, and once again, he's powerless in helping her.

 

« Not in the slightest. » He whispers and he tastes the salt on his lips and it's painful.

 

« Figures. » Tommy goes quiet then. And Bucky appreciates it slightly, and his mind wanders to Wanda, wondering where she is, if she's safe, if she's injured, _or worse_. He just hopes the team gets their in time to find them, and that wherever she is, Wanda can sense him, can sense his mind echoing her name like a prayer in the dark.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always appreciated!


	11. Wanda

  1. Wanda




 

 

It's the sound of her name that wakes her, it startles her and she thinks it's James, but as soon as she opens her eyes, her heart sinks. He's not here, and she doesn't know where he is, if he's safe. She's trying hard to sense his presence through the walls but she can't somehow, she can't reach him, and she wishes she could. She wishes she could let him know that she's there, she doesn't know where but she is still alive, and she wishes she could just let him know that.

 

She tugs at the bonds around her wrists – magical bonds, she reckons, the red energy around her skin is familiar but it's not hers and it makes her wonder – , but it's no use as they do not give under the pressure. She hears approaching footsteps behind her and she pulls harder on her bonds, but still vainly.

 

« It's no use. You'll only hurt yourself. » Two men finally come in sight ; one of them is much younger than the other though, only a teenager, he mustn't be older than her or her brother when they first went to Stryker, she thinks, she guesses he's the boy that was kidnapped, but she hadn't really thought of the possibility of him being .. free to walk around. She recognizes the expression on his face as he follows the older man, apprehension and fear. She tries to make eye contact with him, but he keeps his eyes down.

 

The older man though, is holding her gaze and she is struck by his features, there's something strange about his face ; at first glance, she reckons he must be around her age, or maybe a couple of years older, but the longer she looks, the younger he appears to be, almost the same age as the younger one. It intrigues her and she wants to ask, but she doesn't want to give either of them the pleasure of having her wrapped around their fingers. She remembers James, and that this kid was taken and suddenly she's filled with rage and anger.

 

« What do you want ? » She spats.

 

« From you ? Nothing, at first, but if I had known you, I admit , I would've went for you first. »

 

Wanda frowns, trying to understand what he means by those words. He walks towards a corner of the room, and raising his arm, he taps on his sleeve, and suddenly a screen appears and Wanda wonders what on earth is this man all about. She watches as he types things on the floating screen, and takes that opportunity to look at the younger boy. He's still looking down, his whole body showing exhaustion, she can only relate, she too feels tired, her arms are tired from being held this way, and she can feel the power around her wrists tightening and she grits her teeth in pain, because she doesn't want to scream, doesn't want to let them know, but she spots the older/younger man's smile and she hates it. She wants to reach out and punch it off his face and she pulls on the bonds but again, it hurts and this time, she lets out a whimper , and she hates herself for it. A tear falls and she wishes she could wipe it off immediately, but she can't, and _she hates it._

 

She hears footsteps approaching her, and she looks up, and sees the man approaching her, and he's raising his hand to wipe her tear. She winces away from his touch, but she can't back far away, and he still touches her cheek.

 

« Don't waste your tears on me. » He says. «Save them for your boyfriend.»

 

His words hit her like a sledgehammer on her chest, she wants to spit in his face, she wants to choke the life out of him, she wants to break his neck and see the life leave his body. But she can't, but she promises herself that the second she's out of here, she'll kill him. She will, she swears it on her brother's memory. And as she watches him and the other kid leave, she thinks about James, about where he could be, she refuses to believe he's gone, she refuses to believe she didn't get to apologize, to hug him one last time. She tries to feel him beyond the walls of the room she's in, but she can't feel anyone, and something inside her breaks, it shatters and she cries and prays, she prays that her friends find them soon.

 

\-----

 

But they don't. They don't come, they don't barge into the room, powers flashing and taking Nathaniel down, and saving the day. Yes, because Wanda has learned a few things in her few days of captivity. The older/younger man's name is Nathaniel, and he comes from another timeline, but got stuck and now is desperately trying to go back to his own timeline. That's why he needs William, who goes by Billy, who's very powerful, from what Wanda understands. She heard them talk, and apparently he's the one shielding them from sight to the outside world, and Wanda admits, she's impressed by him, because that means he's constantly using his energy to make sure no one from the outside world hears, sees, sense them. It frightens her a bit, and she wonders how long he can keep it up ; because she needs people to sense them, to see them. It's his energy that are blocking hers, and she wonders what could make him falter. She needs to find his weak spot, everyone has one, it's awful and she hates that she's doing this to a kid, but then she remembers James and she remembers how hard he tried to reach for her and protect her when they got taken, and she feels like she owes him at least this. She's been trying to feel her powers, to bring them back, but the energy around her wrists is strong, stronger than hers at this point but sometimes she can see little flashes of red at her fingers and it gives her hope that soon, she might break free.

 

It's only one day – she doesn't know exactly how long she's been detained here, there's no way for her to know the hours of the day – that she finds an opening, and at first she almost doesn't want to do it, but she has to. Survival has been etched on her DNA since she was 10, and she thinks about her brother, and about Steve, and about Tony, and how ultimately, they would always do what is right, with different approaches, and she prays that when the time comes, she can apologize for what she's about to do. Billy usually doesn't talk when he comes into the room where she's being held, he usually does what he's told – reinforcing the energy shields around the room – and then leaves, leaving her to her thoughts.

 

Billy walks in as usual, and goes to one of the side of the room ; she watches him and she waits until he walks away from the first wall to speak up.

 

«I am sorry for you. » He stops for a brief second, surprised that she is talking to him, because she never does, but he still resumes his walking.

 

«This is not against you.» Billy answers. «It's for the better. »

 

« Someone kidnapping you and using you for his own reasons is for the better ? » She snaps at him and she doesn't really mean to but angry has become her second name lately.

 

«Nathaniel just wants to go home. » He says, as he forms another shield on the wall.

 

« Don't _you_ want to go home ? » And she finds herself genuinely wanting to know. He's a teenager, he should be in school, learning about physics or studying for a test, not creating energy shields in a dirty dark cell in the middle of nowhere.

 

«I will. » And he says something else but it's barely above a whisper and Wanda is too far to hear him, and she's trying to concentrate on her powers. She knows that she doesn't have much time left before he's gone, and she won't be able to use her powers anymore. She can already feel them slipping away, but she's holding onto them, grasping at them, at anything.

 

« You really think Nathaniel is just going to let you go once he's done ? You think he's just going to let you walk away after he's gone ? » She retorts, and she notices the way his shoulders tense and how the shield seems to stop forming and she almost smiles, and she thinks this is it, this is her opening, and she flicks her fingers, in a very subtle move and the red form is small, but it gets to his head, and disappears and she hopes it's enough.

 

« He promised. » Billy says, and he turns around and she sees the tears in his eyes, and she knows the look only too well. He takes a few steps towards her and she can see a familiar red glint in his eyes, but somehow she's not entirely sure it's her doing. « He promised me that once we find a way out for him, I could go home. He promised me he'd release Teddy and my parents and Tommy, and we'd be fine !  He promised me ! »

 

She can see his temper turning around, and maybe if she could, she would back away a little. « Promises are nothing to people like him, and you know it. » She says and she's not even trying to be mean or getting him angry anymore. «  People like him will use you until you've given them everything you could, and then they'll leave you out to die. »

 

« Nathaniel is not like that. »

 

« Cooking up a Stockolm Syndrome or something ? »

 

She can see Billy become angrier by the second and she tries really hard to hide the proud smirk on her face. She can feel something emanating from him, and it's almost familiar, but she can't quite figure out what it is entirely. She almost wants him to let it all out, she can see an energy rising in his eyes, and for a second, she's scared, and she almost wishes she hadn't started this , but it's too late, and she remembers why, why she's doing this. She thinks about Pietro, about James, about Vision, about Steve, about Clint, about all her friends, and how they never backed down, ever, and she raises her chin at Billy and she remembers who she is. She is Wanda maximoff, sister of Pietro Maximoff, she is an Avenger, and she won't back down.

 

« You know nothing about me. »

 

And he's out of the door, and she watches him leave, and for a second she just stares at the closed door, and then smiles, as she feels the bonds around her wrists being just a little less strong.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, feedback is always appreciated :)


	12. Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, so I am back! I just want to apologize first for the long, unpllaned hiatus this story fell in. I did NOT expect my school schedule to be this hectic. I am happy I got time to write a chapter this week, it's hella short, and for that I am sorry, but Wanda's chapter is coming shortly I promise.   
> Enjoy, regardless :)

12\. Bucky

 

 

He hears Tommy whimper in his cell, and Bucky pushes away the overprotectiveness to the side. Days seem to last months in his cell, and he only knows because Tommy tells him and lets him know what day it is. Other than that, it would be impossible to know. Apart from Tommy, he hasn't seen anyone here, and most of the time, Tommy has been gone on some security checks so Bucky has been alone. He'd lie saying he didn't hate it. Having spent the last week and a half with Wanda, having her by his side, feeling her company all the time, it made him feel uneasy at the loss of it all. And he'd lie if he said he isn't worried about her. Where is she ? Is she okay ? Is she safe ? Is she in a cell too ? These are all the questions that have been burning in his mind since he got here. He's mentally praying they get out of here soon. He hasn't prayed in a while, _in years_ really, but right now he hopes God hasn't forgotten about him.

 

 

« Kid, are you okay ? » He asks, and his voice is hoarse, and it's tired, and dry, and so low, and he hates it. But he hates how he only gets a weak whiper in answer more, and his insides burn with rage. He doesn't have time to dwell on that though, as a loud noise is heard above them. He looks up and waits. _This is odd_ , he thinks, and he wonders what it could potentially be. Suddenly, another loud noise is heard, _closer_ , and the wall behind him shakes, and he hears another whimper from Tommy.

 

« Tommy ? » He calls, rising from his feet, but he gets no answer. « Tommy ! » He calls again, and he keeps calling, hoping, begging for an answer. He can't lose the kid. He can't, not like this. « Tommy ! Tommy ! Answer me ! »

 

« Bucky ?! » The voice calling back is one he never expected to hear again, not here at least, and he almost wants to cry and he sticks his hand out , between the bars, and he hates how desperate he must look, but right now, he just needs to know it's real, that he's actually here, that he's not dreaming, that his mind is not playing games on him, that he's not going crazy.

 

And a hand grabs his and Sam comes into his view, and Bucky wants to weep of joy and Sam is there, he really is, god, he really _really_ is, and Bucky's heart is full and warm at the sight of his friend, and then Sam looks relieved and he smiles back at him and Bucky is happy and then Carol comes into view and she smiles at the two of them before she speaks.

 

« Stand back. »

 

Bucky steps away from the bars and she extends her hands and blows the bars of his cells off, in a very loud manner, and Bucky coughs a little at the dust flying around them, but he doesn't complain when he's out. « Thanks. » He quickly turns around and looks to his right, to Tommy's cell, and goes there, with Sam and Carol behind him. He's met with a horrible sight, Tommy curled up on the floor in one corner, obviously hurt and in pain and Bucky can spot a few bruises on his body. He turns to Carol, and raises an eyebrow.

 

« Well ? What are you waiting for ? »

 

« Bucky.. » She speaks up but she doesn't finish her thought. She raises her hands and blow the bars off, just like she did with Bucky's. The supersoldier immediately goes to Tommy and checks his body, searching for a pulse.

 

« He's breathing ! Come on, help me ! » He's trying to take Tommy's body, and the teenager whimpers and whines and Bucky sighs because it's better than nothing at this point. Sam walks to help him and Bucky follows him and Carol along the tunnels.

 

« We have to be quick, » Carol says, walking upfront. «  The jet is right outside, we need to get you on the jet and get everyone home. »

 

« Did you get Wanda ? » Bucky asks, before the thought even reaches his brain.

 

« We still have to look for her, but you go and get the kid on the jet, Sam and I-.. »

 

« I'm coming with you. «  Bucky cuts her, and his voice is firm, tougher than only minutes ago, and Carol stops in her tracks and looks at him with a pointed look. «  Sam can get Tommy on the jet, I am helping you find Wanda. »

 

She sighs, and nods, and starts walking again. They reach a crossing and Sam takes Tommy in his arms. With a nod, he leaves in the right tunnel. Bucky is about to walk right in the left one, but Carol stops him, a hand on his shoulder.

 

« Barnes, we don't know in what state we could find her, so I need you to stay calm, whatever happens okay ? » She says, and it's not really a demand, more an order, and Bucky just nods, eventhough he's not entirely sure he might be able to stop himself from acting irrationnaly if Wanda is..

 

They both walk through the tunnel on the left and they arrive in a room ; a few medical machines and a hospital bed in a corner , a door facing them on the other end, but apart from that, nothing else. The room smells clinical, like it was bathed in antiseptic, no windows, just the medical equipments, sitting next to the bed, and the two soldiers wonder about it, but take no time in asking the questions, as voices on the other side of the door are heard. Bucky recognizes two males voices and..

 

« Wanda.. » Her name , a whisper of hope on his lips, and he doesn't listen, doesn't stop as Carol calls his name before he runs to the door.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what you think how their reunion is going to go :)


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is Wanda's chapter, hopefully I can get back to a good writing space this week, and get some chapters out for you guys :)   
> I hope you guys enjoy this chapter , i haven't edited it so i am sorry if there's any mistake or spelling   
> Enjoy :)

  1. Wanda




 

« Tommy is hurt, he can't go out there ! » Billy argues back and Nathaniel is radiating anger at this point and Wanda is twisting her wrists, trying to escape.

 

« Then go out there yourself, I don't care, just make sure they don't come in here ! I need more time, I just need a bit more time ! » Nathaniel's voice cracks by the end, Wanda doesn't miss it, and she watches as he turns aroung, facing away from her and Billy. She's still trying to free her wrists, and she wonders how powerful can Billy be, to make such powerful magic bonds.

 

« Nathaniel.. You can't keep on like this. » Billy speaks, and his voice is calmer now, and he walks towards Nathaniel, but keeps a safe distance. « If you try again, you'll die. »

 

« I won't. »Nathaniel replies, harshly. «  I-.. » A loud noise is heard above them, and Wanda wonders, _could it be_? « Shit, they're here. Take the girl and leave ! » He orders Billy, but he's not moving.

 

« What about Tommy ? » He asks, and Nathaniel sighs, and shoves Billy towards Wanda.

 

« I'll get him, you go with the girl ! »

 

Billy looks skeptical, but he still walks towards Wanda ; he raises his hands towards her wrists, but she flinches away.

 

« I'm not going anywhere with you ! » She yells and she tries to kick him with her legs, and damn, she wishes her wrists were free, she wishes she knew how to control people without the use of her hands, she wishes she had learned then.

 

« Wanda.. »

 

« You don't stand a chance against them, they will-.. »

 

She's interrupted by the door flying open, throwing Nathaniel on the floor, and her breath gets caught in her throat when she sees him, and he sees her and immediately, she feels warm again, and she wants to smile and cry and run to him and embrace him and never let him go, but she can't, and it kills her, and he's saying her name and she didn't know until then how much she missed it, missed hearing his voice, missed hearing her name on his lips. She can only see him, him and him only and she's feeling so much it's foreign to her, it was never like this before, not with Vision, and it's all strange and she can barely register anything else. That's why she doesn't really see Carol taking Nathaniel down, or she doesn't know how she suddenly was free of Billy's power. But she sees Bucky walking towards Billy, and Wanda steps in front of the brunette teenager. She looks at him, and shakes her head.

 

« They're innocent. Both of them. » She says and Bucky frowns at her but turns to Carol, who's currently grabbing Nathaniel by the throat, but she lets him go reluctantly after Bucky nods at her. Wanda smiles innerly because he still trusts her and that's good . Everything is good, now. He's safe, and he's here, and they're together again, it's good, it's all good.

 

 

Except it's not.

 

It's not all good. It's not, because apparently, they've been missing for five days, and it feels like a month to her, and it's not because she meets Tommy and he's all hurt and bruised and she can feel his pain and she hates how aware of everything she is ; it's not good because she can feel what everyone's feeling, and mostly it's happiness and relief, and she is happy and relief but she can also feel doubt and she can feel fear – coming from Billy mostly, and sometimes, Nathaniel, when he catches Carol looking over at him – and she can feel everything and it's so much, too much and she's not sure how to deal with it all.

 

« Hey, » James' soft voice takes her away from her thoughts. He offers her a bottle of water and shhe takes it, with a smile. He sits next to her, on the jet, sam and carol are flying them back to the hq, billy and tommy are in the corner, and nathaniel is a bit further away from the two ? Curled up on himself, he looks even paler in the daylight, and Wanda almost feels bad for him. Almost.

 

« So, what's his deal ? » James asks, and she sighs.

 

« He's stuck in our timeline, he's not from our era. He's from the future, and he wants to go back. But, for the last..couple of days I think, he's been different, it's like he's ..fading almost. »

 

« Oh.. » It's all James says, and Wanda nods, because that's all she has the energy to do. « I am sure Janet and Hank will help him. » She looks up at him and she notices that hopeful glint in his eyes, and she wonders how someone can still be so hopeful after all of this. Being turned into a killing machine, then having to find himself again, being hunted by T'Challa, what happened in Siberia, then the Wakanda battle, the Soul Stone World, and then this.. How can a human go through so much and still have a kind heart.

 

He must notice her eyes on him, because he looks back at her, and raises an eyebrow. « Everything okay ? », he asks, his voice soft and she's missed it, she has and she hadn't realized but she's warm, all of the other feelings , everyone's feelings, sort of tuned out when he sat next to her. She doesn't feel pain or fear or doubt, just warmth. And it's spreading all inside of her, and she's not sure how to handle it either. And usually, it would scare her, but she almost wants the warmth to stay. No, she _does_ want it. So she smiles, and he smiles too, and it's so warm and she lets the warmth, _his_ warmth, in, and everything is good.

 

Everything is good.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lemme know what you think :) feedback is always appreciated!


	14. Bucky

  1. Bucky




 

Her hair is falling on her face slightly, rght in between her eyes, and it raises everytime she breathes out, and Bucky can't help but smile at the sight before him. She looks so young, sleeping like this, her head against the wall of the jet. She's not physically hurt , it seems, and he's thanking God and every deity out there for that, he honestly doesn't know how he would have reacted if something had happened to her. He would have.. Gosh, he doesn't even want to think about it now ; she's safe, they're both safe. He keeps telling himself the words over and over but he can't keep staring at her, like he's scared if he takes his eyes off of her for one second, she might disappear. And he can't have that, he's not losing any more people, not anymore.

 

« We're landing in two minutes. » Carol says, over her shoulder to him, and he nods, his eyes still on Wanda. That's why he misses Carol's smirk at the sight of them and doesn't retort when she chuckles.

 

Softly, he raises a hand on Wanda's shoulder, and gently rubs her skin to wake her up. Her eyes open softly, she blinks a few times before she seems to realize who's touching her. Bucky pretends he doesn't feel his heartbeat quicken when she smiles at him. He quickly clears his throat and looks everywhere else on the jet but her. « We're landing in a bit. » He says and he nods at his own words, holding on to them.

 

« As soon as we land, we need to get all of you guys checked. » Sam says, and Bucky sees his stare towards Nathaniel, and Bucky knows that he just doesn't mean a medical check.

 

 

It's weird being back at the HQ, he had only been there once really, and he had only stayed one week, before he left with Wanda. And now two weeks and a half later, they're back ; it feels like a lifetime ago to him, so many things happened in those two weeks, he wouldn't even know where to start. They step out of the jet, Bucky is helping Tommy to walk as medical help are rushing towards them. A young man and a blonde girl help him on a stretcher.

 

« They're not going to kill me right ? » Tommy asks him, obviously worried, his voice is weak and his whole body is shaking and he's shivering, so Bucky squeezes his elbow and hopes that it's enough.

 

« Definetely not, kid. » He answers, and Tommy tries a smile, but it comes out more as a grimace and Bucky smiles back, and watches him leave, and worry fills him again.

 

«He'll be okay. » He turns and Sam is by his side, and Bucky suddenly realizes how much he's missed his friend. «  Carol was a bit rough but .. he'll survive. »

 

« What ? » Bucky sees red then. From behind Sam, he can see Carol and Wanda talking, and he almost wants to go over there and tell her off, but Sam stops him.

 

« Don't, she didn't mean it. » He explains, «  It was during our rec mission, and she hit him when he was trying to lure us away. She thought he was an enemy. Rightfully so. »

 

Bucky really tries to listen to Sam, really tries to, but he is mad, and he's really trying to contain himself, but not when Carol is standing ten feet away from him. So he scoffs and walks away in the same direction Tommy was carried.

 

 

He ends up staying with Tommy the whole afternoon, as he's being checked on by doctors and nurses ; Bucky is being checked too, but apart from potential future headaches, he's going to be okay. At some point, Billy comes to see Tommy and Bucky is a little taken aback at how similar they are, except for the hair maybe, but that's it. He learns a little bit more about Billy, that they're only 17 – 17 years old and already kidnapped by someone from another dimension, how wonderful – and he's from New York, and he called his parents and his boyfriend to let them know he was safe and will come home soon ; and Bucky pretends he doesn't see Tommy's body shift at the mention of Billy's parents.

 

It's almost midnight when he leaves Tommy, and he heads towards his designated room – Steve's room, he can't call it his room, he just can't, not when his bestfriend's memory still lingers in every part of the room. He falls head first on the bed, exhaustion finally catching up with him as he stays there for a while, his body morphing into the soft bed, and it feels good, to be against something soft , after being kept in a cold, tough cell for days. He thinks he hears a knock on his door, but he doesn't move, he doesn't think he _can_ move really, all of his muscles feel sore and he just wants to sleep. For at least century.

 

He can hear the door open slightly and a soft voice he knows too well calls for him, «  James ? ».

 

He doesn't answer with words, only a sound and what he hopes is a distinct wave to signal her that she can come in. He senses her coming into the room, and in a few steps – 10 steps, but he's not counting –, and she's by the bed. He shifts his position but keeps his head on the pillow, because it's just too comfortable.

 

« You look like a child right now. » He hears Wanda say and the little chuckle at the end makes his heart skip a few beats but he dismisses it quickly.

 

« Mmm. Sue me. »

 

She chuckles more and he smiles too, because he just can't help it. A minute passes , in silence, before she speaks again. « Can I stay here tonight ? » Her question is full of hesitation, and he can feel her nerves from where she is, he can't see her but he just knows. The question is stuck between them, and Bucky is nervous as well, because they've never really shared a bed before. A room, _yes_ , but always in two separate beds. And before, he always hid behind the excuse of nightmares and her safety but right now, there's no excuse to hide behind. So he moves a bit more, making room for her, and pats the space next to her. She lies down next to him, at a safe distance, and he's too aware of it, every inch between them feels like fire, ready to take him all in. He risks opening his eyes , just to take a look at her, just to take her image in, and maybe he shouldn't have, because he opens his eyes and there she is, staring back at him already and suddenly everything is too much. There's only ten inches between them and it kills him, and it reminds him of all the times they were this close, and all the times they were closer, and it kills him even more.

 

« Come here.. », and with a gentle pull , he brings her closer and she lets him , and suddenly there's no space in between them, their legs intertwined as if they were used to this, and _there_ , his heartbeat is slowing down a little, at ease, he can smell her fragrance and he forgot how much he loved it. She smells like cherries, with a bit of peach, like a summy spring day spent in a field,and something else too he can't quite pinpoint right now. A

He feels her small arm wrap around him and he sighs in content and hides his smile in her hair and brings her even closer. And for a moment, in this moment, nothing else matters, except this. Her arm around him, his smile in her hair, her breath against his neck.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you think, feedback is always appreciated :)


	15. Wanda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's a long over due chapter, I am sorry, school work keeps adding up ! I hope you guys still enjoy this chapter :)

Chapter 15

 

She's warm. That's the first thought she has before she opens her eyes and she's met with a strong chest, and she smiles when she remembers where she is. His arm is pressing on her waist and in any other circumstances she would be a little annoyed at it but it's been days since they've been this close and she's missed him, so much. And now, right now, right there, she can feel all of him, he's all around her and she wants to indulge in it as long as she can.

 

He's warm, she can feel him breathing peacefully and his heartbeat is safe and steady, right under her hand, at ease, and it's all foreign to her. Vision didn't have a heart, and she never heard his, never felt his under her fingers. She loved him , of course, and losing him had broken her heart into a billion pieces but right now, as she counts the beats James' heart takes under her fingertips, she thinks it might be mending.

 

James stirs a little in his sleep and lets out a sigh. She moves away from him slightly, hoping to get a look at his face but his arm stops her from doing so, pulling her back to his chest.

 

« Stay. » She hears him mumble and the air gets caught in her throat. Memories flash back before her eyes, and she feels tears coming but she blinks them away quickly, and clears her throat.

 

« We should go. » She says, hoping her voice doesn't sound as broken as she is. « We have a lot to do. »

 

James groans. «  We deserve a break. » He says, his voice a bit clearer. «  Let's just stay here. » And he brings her closer, closer than they already are if that's even possible. And gosh, she's wrapped in warmth and his fragrance and she's safe here, with him, and he's rubbing her back and her hand tightens on his shirt , because she doesn't want to leave this bed, doesn't want to leave his warmth. She wants to stay like this forever, with his hand on her back, her lips on his heartbeat and nothing to hurt them.

 

«We can't stay here forever. » And it's her brain speaking , because her heart is screaming for him, longing for him.

 

« We can do anything we want. » He says, and this time, he's the one putting a little distance between them, and his blue eyes meet her green eyes, and for a second, she believes him, she believes that they can do anything, nothing is stopping them. Because nothing is. But the ghosts are still here, and they're between them and they're pushing them away, she can see them. And she wishes she could push them away because they shouldn't be here, she wants them gone, she wants to focus on the blue of James' eyes, and his arm is on her shoulder now, and the touch is so soft, barely there, as he's asking permission.

 

And a part of her wants to grant it to him, she's safe and she knows and his touch is like silk on her skin and she doesn't want it to leave, doesn't want him to leave, but something is still between them. So she slowly leans away from him and clear a throat before rising.

 

« We have to deal with Nathaniel and Billy and Tommy. » She says, up on her feet and she's light headed but she brushes it off, as she takes a few steps towards the door, hoping that the more distance there'll be between them, the quicker the crave for his touch will leave. In the doorway, she turns back to him. «  See you in the living room ? »

 

He's looking back at her and for a few seconds, he just looks and she hopes he doesn't see the fear, the longing, the terror , the need she feels, she hopes he only sees a woman, who's asking him a simple question. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't, she'll never know, because he just nods and she nods once before leaving his room. And if her heart suddenly feels cold as she puts more steps between them, she pretends it's not real and walks away.

 

 

An hour later, she's standing next to Carol and Peter Parker as she watches Sam interrogating Nathaniel. The double way mirror is a bit much, she thinks, it feels like they're in a bad police tv show, but at least they can hear and see them talking. So far, Nathaniel has told Sam the same story Billy had told Wanda.

 

«How did you even end up here in the first place ? If you're one the smartest people from your timeline, how come you can't go back ? » Sam asks, and he's not eating his words.

 

« I don't know, I've been trying to find a way ! » Nathaniel is getting frustrated now, Wanda can feel it. « That's what I thought I could use Billy for, I thought he could help me ! »

 

«  _Use_ him, hun ? » Sam snickers. « Is that something you do often in your timeline ? »

 

« Look, I just want to go back, okay ? » Nathaniel sighs, running his hand through his dark hair.  « I just want to get back to my own timeline. »

 

Sam leans back in his chair, and nods. «  I'll see if we can find a way. » And with that he leaves the room and joins the three Avengers in the side-room. « So ? »

 

« He's telling the truth. » Wanda answers. «  It fits with what Billy told me. »

 

« But how do we even help him ? » Sam asks. « Do you guys know any living person able to travel through time portals ? »

 

« I think.. I might. » Peter speaks up, and the three adults turn to him.

 

« You do ? » Carol questions.

 

« Yes, I think she can do that. I mean, I know she has powers and stuff and she said something about coming from another universe, so maybe she can travel through time too ? I don't know ? » Peter says and it seems like he's talking to him rather than them, but the information is atleast there.

 

« Can you get her to come here ? » Wanda asks the teenager and he huffs and raises his eyes towards the ceiling.

 

« Well, that's the thing, » Peter explains, «  She sort of pops up here and there, usually when I am in danger or something fishy is happening, I only know her name. »

 

« Well, we can look in the database and see if she's registered anywhere. » Carol tells him and with that they all leave the room. When they walk by the open living room, she sees a small crowd in the living room. Billy and Tommy , surrounded by three other people – two adults and a blonde teenager – and Bucky. Sam goes over to them and Wanda turns away when Bucky notices her, and follow after Carol and Peter. She pretends she doesn't feel his eyes burning her neck, and instead tries to focus on something else. She has more important things to focus on, she's not about to let her feelings take her focus away.

 

After half an hour of searching in the database, they found nothing.

 

« Are you sure she said her name was America ? » Wanda questions after no results came up in the database.

 

« Yes ! » Peter insists, and Wanda can see that even he is a little confused. « I mean.. She said it herself. »

 

« Did she say where she lived ? » Carol questions. « Maybe we could find her if we had a location.. »

 

Peter sighs in obvious frustration and Wanda puts her hand on his shoulder, squeezing a little. She can feel his despair and she knows why.

 

« Hey, it's okay. We're going to find her, and she might be able to help Nathaniel. » She tries to sound as positive as possible, but even her isn't sure they might find the girl or if they do, if she might be able to help them.

 

There's knock on the door of the little room they're in and it's Bucky. Wanda's whole body is suddenly tight in nerves, and an uneasiness seems to settle in her bones.

 

« Guys ? Tommy and Billy are leaving. » He just says and leaves and Wanda stares at the spot he was just standing on and a weight lands on her chest when she realizes he didn't look at her at all. She wants to call out for him, wants to ask him what's wrong, wants to see that he's okay, but she feels angry, angry that he isn't looking at her, angry that she wants to run after him and comfront him but can't. Instead, she follows after Carol and Peter as they walk back to the living room. She feels weird, saying goodbye to Billy and Tommy ; after all Billy worked to keep her restrained, for a second she wonders about his powers, how powerful they are, how far could he go. He was able to restrain her after all, and hide them from sight. What else could he do ?, she wonders. And for a second, she thinks about Tony, and how he had asked Vision to keep her in the compound, for other's people safety. Is that how he felt ? The uneasiness, the fear, the doubt she was feeling. She feels rather uneasy at letting Billy go back to his home, knowing he's more powerful than most, is that how Tony felt about her ? She used to be angry at him but now she understands in a way. She watches as Billy's parents hug him and the tall blonde teenager next to him - Terry ? Teddy ? She thinks she heard him say his name was Teddy – and the uneasiness increases when she notices Tommy's own uneasiness. His arms are crossed over his chest, and he's looking at Billy and his parents and Teddy with sad eyes. She doesn't need to reach out and find out what he's feeling, because she just knows, she knows because she felt this way too many times. She feels it and it feels so heavy on her chest, and she wishes it'd leave her, but it doesn't, so she leaves instead, and puts as much distance between her and them. She flees to her room and locks the door behind her, and she is barely in before the tears starts fall. She stays put again the door, the tears falling quietly on her face, her whole chest aching, her body shaking with quiet sobs.

 

After a few minutes, she walks to her bed and lets her body fall on the soft cushion. She thinks about her brother, and the longing feeling comes back again, creeping up on her as usual. She wished he was here, with her, maybe he could help. From what she understood, Pietro and Tommy seemed to have the same powers ; she finds it funny how Billy's and her powers are similar and then Pietro's and Tommy's are similar as well. The four of them are twins too, _it's funny_ , she thinks , _maybe it's a twin thing._ And she smiles when she imagines how Pietro would have reacted if he'd learned someone else had the same power as him, she imagines races with bets and playful teasing all the time and she can almost hear his laugh, and the tears are still falling, still wet on her lips.

 

 

She's not sure when she fell asleep but when she wakes up, it's dark outside and one look at her phone on her bedside table shows her that it's past midnight. She falls back on her bed, and stares at the ceiling for a while before she gets up from her bed. Her feet have their own mind it seems, she knows where they're taking her, and she's not stopping them. Soon enough, she's in front of his door, her hand on the knob. She turns it and she sighs as the door gives way for her to enter. He's asleep when she walks in, his back turned towards her, she can see his body rising to the rythm of his breathing. She walks closer, quietly, carefully, she probably shouldn't be here, a part of her thinks, but she's already here so she might as well stay. She hates that the closer she gets, the more she wants to stay, but she can't help herself. She settles next to him, and the bed is warm, and she lets out a content sigh. She can finally breathe peacefully, with no pain in her chest, no more weight hanging on her lungs.

 

She's almost asleep when she feels James turning around and his arm somehow immediately finds her and he lets out a sleepy sigh when it finds her skin. He sleepily pulls her closer to him and keeps her close. She hides her smiles in his chest when he speaks.

 

« There you are.»

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always deeply appreciated :)


	16. Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ALRIGHT SO I AM BACK!!   
> I know it's been a freaking long while, the hiatus was mainly because of school and I needed to focus on that, but I am officially done with school and homework and all that jazz so now, I do have time to write and I really want to focus on that story. I've watched Endgame last weekend, and it got me in the mood to write. PSA : I will now incorporate facts from the movies INTO this fanfic, so if you haven't watched Endgame, I suggest you don't read this fic if you don't want to be spoiled? Or just watch the movie, really. ANYWAY , away with the long ass note, here's the chapter, let me know what you think as always :)! I love you all :)

  1. **Bucky**




 

 

It's barely dawn when Bucky wakes up for the first time and the first thing he notices is a fragrance. Cherries and a side of peach. A smile grows on his lips at the thought of Wanda, at the knowledge that she's still here, right there in his arms, safe and sound. Still in slumber, he dares to dream ; this could be them, waking up every morning next to one another, close, holding each other. This could be their life. He would keep her safe, _yes I would_ , he tells himself, he would do anything to make sure she's safe, he would die to protect her. He brings her closer and he feels her move against him, she shifts a little but stays in his embrace. He smiles and hides it in her hair, and sleep takes him again.

 

The second time he wakes up, he's being slightly nudged.

 

« James, wake up. » He hears Wanda's soft voice and she's not lying next to him. At this realization he opens his eyes and finds her sitting on the end of his bed. « Come on, sleeping beauty, we have a lot of work to do. »

 

Bucky groans and turns around in his bed, hoping to avoid getting up that way. He's behaving like a kid, he knows but right now, he just wants to sleep on his bed, which is soft and very comfortable and he wishes Wanda would come back in bed with him. He hears her chuckle and the sound makes his heart flutter and it wishes it didn't because it makes him weak.

 

« James, come on, Peter is here, he's got news about the girl that could help us with Nathaniel. » She says, and he doesn't answer. The kids are the last thing on his mind right now, and he knows he should feel bad but he doesn't somehow. « If you don't get up now, there'll be no breakfast left for you and I am not staying around your grumpy self all day. »

 

At the mention of food, he re-opens his eyes, and turns aroung slightly. She's raising an eyebrow at him and she's smirking. She won, and she knows it.

 

« I hate you. »

 

« No, you don't. » She says with a chuckle, and no he doesn't, but he wishes he did sometimes. Just so his heartbeat would slow down at the sight of her.

 

She rises from the bed, and heads up for the door, beckoning him to get up without a word. Which he does. He heads for his bathroom and quickly showers and dresses himself. His hair is getting very long and he thinks he's due for a haircut and thinks he's ought to get one soon. _Soon_ , he tells himself, _when all of this is done_.

 

 

When he enters the kitchen, he immediately notices a new person. She's standing next to Peter and Wanda, she has a tan skin and long curly hair, and he first notes her strong posture and her straight back. She looks like she's Peter's age, maybe a bit older but not by much. The closer he gets, he notices her eyes most of all. They're of a deep brown ; they hold a determination, with a broken look to them, things he's seen before in a different pair of eyes. His heart aches at the memory, he knows it all too well.

 

He arrives to them, and Wanda turns to him as he does. She gives him a smile and turns to the girl.

 

« James, this is America Chavez. Peter was able to find her. »

 

« Not without difficulties though. » Peter says lightly.

 

« You just don't know how to look, _chico_. » America says. « But I am here now. »

 

« Good. You think you might be able to help ? » Bucky asks her.

 

« I think so. » She says, and he sees her uncertainty but she quickly collects himself and he recognizes the defense mechanism and he hates how she reminds of _him_ so much. «  I can only hold a portal for a short time but it should work. »

 

« Man, you ought to see her portals, it's so cool ! And her eyes glow, like they turn into this glowing blue and it's like woah ! » Peter chirps in all excited, and America rolls her eyes, but Bucky can see she's shy at Peter's remarks.

 

«I'd like to see it. » James says, with a chuckle.

 

« She could take you down in a minute, she's incredibly strong ! » Peter adds, and Bucky doesn't miss Peter's pride and he looks at America quickly and she sighs at Peter's words.

 

« Oh yeah ? » He turns to the young girl. «  Do you have any other powers ? »

 

« Yeh, I have heightened strength and I can fly too. »

 

« Oh, I can fly too ! » Wanda says and America is about to answer, when Sam and Carol step in the room.

 

«So ? » Bucky asks as he turns to the pair. «  Any new informations ? »

 

« Well, he's stubborn as a rock. And his story doesn't vary so for now, we'll believe him. » Sam answers.

 

« The only question is how did he actually manage to time travel here . » Carol continues. « You said Steve went back and put the stones back where they were meant to be, right ? » Bucky nods in silence, the pain still present. « Then, if he didn't use one of the gems , how did he end up here ? »

 

« He's still holding on that piece of information ? » Wanda asks.

 

« Yes, and something tells me that even if we manage to send him back, it won't be the last time we hear of him. »Carol says.

 

« You think you might be able to create a portal to his timeline ? » Sam turns to America.

 

They all look at her, and Bucky suddenly realizes how young she is, as all the attention is on her, and she seems to struggle with that for a moment before she rises her chin and her jaw clenches and Bucky almost smiles at how similar he thinks she is to his best friend.

 

« I can try. » She simply says.

 

Sam and Carol both nod. «  Good. Come this way. » Sam says and he leads the way out of the room, for them to follow.

 

It turns out , Peter wasn't lying, America is very powerful. They're in the training room, and Nathaniel is being held in a corner by Sam and Peter, while America is creating a portal. It's just like Peter said : her eyes glow a neon blue colour but not only, star-shaped tattoos on her wrists light up as well, and she brings up her hands in front of her and a portal opens. A beam of light emerges from it and it's so blinding, Bucky has to hold out his hand in front of his eyes to shield them from the source, and then America turns to Nathaniel. With a nod, she notices that Sam that it's okay, and the older man nudges Nathaniel forward. The tall brunette walks towards America and a portal, a frown on his face.

 

« This will take me home ? » He asks her.

 

« They've never failed me so far. » The young woman says and Nathaniel stares at her for a moment before looking at the portal. He takes a deep breath before stepping towards it. In a quick second, he disappears into the light. Another second and the portal closes and the light goes out completely. They all take a moment to readjust to the sudden light change, all except America who doesn't even move from her spot. Carol is the first one to break the silence.

 

« Is he gone ? For real ? »

 

« I think so. » America answers, turning back to them. « I will check the different timelines to make sure. But he should be back in his original one. »

 

«Alright, I'll go with you to make sure. » Carol says and America nods at her. Carol turns to the rest of them. « Make sure that we have the other kids on surveillance as long as need be in case something turns up. Who knows whoever might come for them. »

 

They all nod, and Carol leaves first and America follows her. Sam and Peter leave the room as well, leaving Bucky and Wanda by themselves. He turns to her and she has a frown on her face, and he can feel her mind spinning thoughts.

 

« What's wrong ? » He asks.

 

She shrugs. «  I don't think that's the last we've seen of him. » And there's concern in her voice. And fear. If he didn't know her, he probably would have missed it, but the corner of her right twitch a little. He steps in front of her, and shakes his head.

 

« Hey, he's gone. Alright ? He's back to wherever he came from, and we're here. Everything is alright. »

 

« But it's not. » She retorts. She's not looking at him, and he can hear the fear in her voice. « He's going to come back. »

 

« Wanda, look at me. » He reaches for her face and puts his hands delicately on her cheeks, and she's so warm under his skin, and her green eyes finally reach his face, and they're so soft. He can see so much in them, concern, fear, insecurity, and he wishes he could take it all away. He stares right into them and they're so close, so _so_ close, only a few inches away, it'd only take him a moment , a beat, a nanosecond to reach her lips. And for a quick second, he sees her eyes dropping to his lips, but he thinks he must be dreaming he must be because _this can't be_ , not in this world. He focuses on her eyes, and hopes that she feels what he's trying to convey. Safety, care.. and love. « We're safe, now. »

 

Her eyes search for something in his and he can feel her shaking her head but he keeps a hold on her, and she stops. «  James.. » and she sounds out of breath, almost panting, and her eyes fall to his lips again, and he doesn't miss it this time.

 

And he wants to, he wants to kiss her, he wants to cross the space between them and let her know how he feels. He wants to kiss her and hold her in his arms and never let go, he wants to keep her there, always, her warm skin forever under his own, and he wants to hear his name said by her until he dies. But he doesn't, he doesn't because it's too early, she lost her boyfriend, they all lost a lot and now is not the right time. They still have a lot to do. Right now, she needs a friend, and he has to be that, _just that_ , he can be that for her. Yes, he can, he tells himself.

 

« I won't ever let anyone take you away again. Okay ? » He whispers. «  I will protect you, I promise. You understand me ? No one's ever going to hurt you. Ever. »

 

There's a moment before she nods, and a tear escapes her eye and Bucky catches it with his thumb and wipes it away. They stay like this for another moment, and neither of them make a move to break the embrace. Bucky thinks he should step away. Friends aren't supposed to hold eachother that long, friends aren't supposed to want to kiss their friend, friends aren't supposed to be this close to eachother. His hands fall from her cheeks and he doesn't notice how her eyes follows the gesture until his metal fingers reach for a strand of her hair and puts it out of her face.

 

« Come on, little one, let's join the others. »

 

He takes a step back and turns around, walking away, but when he doesn't hear her following him, he stops. One look back, and she's still there, watching with sad dry eyes, and it breaks his heart a little, and he wants so badly to take her in his arms, take her fear away, but he's scared himself. Scared that if he takes her in his arms and holds her, he won't ever let her go.

 

« You're coming ? » He asks instead, and it's all he can ask.

 

She gives him a small nod. «  I'll be down in a second. You go on. »

 

« You sure ? » He doesn't want to leave, he doesn't want to leave the room, knowing she will be alone, knowing she won't follow.

 

« Yeh, you go. » She gives a small, tight smile, and he knows it's fake, but he takes it. He nods at her and resumes his walk towards the door. It takes him a lot not to look back at her before he closes the door, but he doesn't. Instead he just keeps walking , pretending his heart doesn't shatter as he puts more distance between them.

 

 

He heads for the gym, hoping a little session might calm his nerves and eases the stiffness in his body. He doesn't expect America, going at it on one of the punching bags. He walks in and she notices him coming in, and stops. He can see her tan skin glistening, but barely and he wonders how long the kid has been there.

 

« Why aren't you with Carol ? » He asks,as he grabs the wrapping bands and starts wrapping them around his hands.

 

« Something came up on another planet and she needed to deal with it _asap_. I offered to help but she said she had it sorted. » America answers.

 

Bucky raises an eyebrow, not leaving his eyes from his hands. «  Is that all ? »

 

« She said a kid shouldn't have to deal with this. » America punctuates her sentence with a punch on the bag, and the metal holding it shakes under the assault, and Bucky looks at it, concerned.

 

« Well, I haven't known Carol for very long, » he says as he steps into the ring next to where she's standing. She seems to follow his track of mind and joins him, «but if she told you to stay here, she must have had a good reason. »

 

« But I am strong. » And America is full on rage now. «  I can fight, I can fly, I can create portals ! I could help ! »

 

«You can't fight every war coming your way, kid. » Bucky tells her, and the words sounds all too familiar on his tongue.

 

« But I am not a kid ! » She says and Bucky raises an eyebrow as he puts himself into position. She does too.

 

« If you're not a kid, then why are you whining about it ? »

 

« I am not ! » And she goes straight for him, full-on attack, and he's a little surprised, but he manages to avoids her punch, and regains his stance. They dance-jog around eachother for a few seconds, before America tries to jab at him again, and he manages to block her but she gets too close and he receives a nice power punch on his left and he's left stunned for a quick second, before he decides that yes, she's a kid and she can fight and she doesn't seem like she's going to let him win, and right now, he doesn't want to let her win either. So he tries to jab at her, and she avoids it but barely and they go at it, for a while. It must be a long while though, because before they know it, they're covered in sweat and neither of them are quitting, and she's so angry, Bucky realizes. He sees her, and she's not fighting him, he knows that, her punches are too strong, too powerful to be directed only at him. She's angry at someone else, and she's letting it out on him, and he takes it, and he fights back too, but not completely ; she gets him a good few times and she knows he's going to bruise later but he doesn't care. There's a kid in front of him, and she's angry at the world for not letting her fight when she knows she can. Soon enough, she gets close to him, and she punches his sides and his neck and he catches her because maybe he deserves it. He deserves it because he's a bad friend to the girl he's falling in love with, and because he shouldn't fall in love with her, he deserves it, he deserves every punch America is throwing his way, and she's sobbing as he takes it, and then she's collapsing in his arms, crying, her whole body shaking and he wraps his arms around her, because he's been there, and a young girl like her doesn't deserve to go through that alone.

 

 

 

They're sitting cross-legged on the mat, a dead silence surrounding them, America's tears have dried and her rage is quiet, for now. Bucky stares at the wraps around both of his hands, part of him wants to take them off, he ought to at some point, but part of him is exhausted and the single thought of that exhausts him even further.

 

« They're dead. » America says, and her voice is hoarse from the crying. «  My mothers. They were killed.. by Krees. Right in front of me. And I couldn't do anything. »

 

« How did you get out of that ? » Bucky asks, because _wow_ , he knows what trauma can look like, but he's surprised that America isn't breaking down every five minutes.

 

She scoffs, and looks up, tears in her eyes. «  I ran. I ran, got to their bodies and created a portal to get us out. » She wipes away her tears, and shakes her head. «  I coudn't live them there. Not there, not in that dark, twisted place. They didn't deserve to stay there. And the portals took us here. I ended up being at a SHIELD base or something..I don't really remember much from that night. »

 

Bucky wishes he could do something, he almost wants to adopt her right then and there. He suddenly feels the urge to change the subject, just to make the mood change. He clears her throat and goes on a safer subject.

 

«How do you end up meeting Peter ? »

 

She rolls her eyes at the mention of the spider kid, but there's a smile on the end of her lips. « That little shit.. » She sighs. «  I saved his ass one night. Been trying to avoid him ever since, but the guy keeps getting into fights he can't win and I gotta save that _chico_ otherwise his girlfriend is going to be mad at me.» She chuckles.

 

« Yeah, that sounds familiar », Bucky joins her and laughs too, because gosh, if he didn't spend all of his life saving Steve from getting into fights and trying to keep him away from it. And failing miserably, as history knows. « I know someone like that too.. »

 

« Yeah ? »

 

« My best friend. He's a little punk too. »

 

She lets out a laugh but it's short-lived, before her face finds a sterm expression again. He can see the doubt, and the fear written up all over her features.

 

« It'll get better. » He says, and he hopes his words sounds more convincing to her than they do to him. «  I know it's hard, but we're still here, and we have to make the most of it. Your mothers would be proud of you, I am sure of that. You helped us today. You helped Peter. You might not have been able to help Carol, but you're doing good, America. It means a lot. »

 

She looks straight at him, listens to him carefully as he speaks. « Thank you, Bucky. »

 

« Anytime, kid. »

 

They sit in more silence for a few minutes, before they both decide that they should leave, otherwise the others are going to think one of them killed the other and then fled. They're both laughing as they walk in the living rooms Bucky takes advantage of his height and locks America under his arm and ruffles her hair. She tries to push him away, but fails, and their laughs echo through the big room, alerting the others. Sam, Wanda and Peter all turn around when they notice the two of them.

 

« Well well, already bullying the kids, Barnes ? » Sam jokes and Bucky lets go of America, who shoves him away. He turns to the young girl next to him, and brings her right next to him.

 

« Nah, we're friends ! » Bucky says and America rolls her eyes but she can't hide the grin she has. Bucky turns to Wanda and notices how her lips are pressed tight and that little frown between her eyebrows is there. It's the one she has when she's pissed off.

 

« It's getting late though, I was about to go home. » Peter says. «  Sam offered us a ride back to the city. »

 

America seems to hesitate, and then nods quietly. The three of them depart and Bucky is about to ask Wanda if she wants to have some food, but she's already leaving in the opposite direction. Something tells him she's pissed at him, but he just can't figure out why.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is always appreciated!


	17. Wanda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit late, but here's chapter 17! I hope you guys enjoy it and let me know what you think :)!

  1. Wanda




 

Wanda watches as James leaves the room, and she tries to regain a normal breathing. Her skin itches where he touched her, her cheeks, her neck. And somehow, not where she wants him to. Only a few minutes ago, he had been here, standing in front of her, close, so close, she had wanted to cross the space between them so bad, meet his lips, for once. But something had stopped her, she didn't know what. Her fingers tingle, she can feel her powers rising , wanting nothing more than to be unleashed, but she clenches her fists. _Not here_ , she thinks, _not now_. She shakes her head and gathers herself, taking in deep breaths before exiting the room. She walks down the living room, and only sees Peter and Sam. No James or America, she notices. She joins the pair and smiles at them and sits on one of the couches, next to Peter, propping one of her feet under her.

 

«What are you two chatting about ? » She asks, making an effort to be included in the conversation. She tries, and part of her thinks her brother would be proud of her, it makes her smile.

 

« Just life stuff. » Peter answers. « I've been trying to get new web fluids working in a different way, but I haven't found the right combination yet.. »

 

« That sounds like a conversation for Bruce. » Wanda says.

 

« That's what I've been telling him ! » Sam laughs. « My science knowledge is very limited. Just go ask Banner. »

 

« But I don't want to bother him. » Peter retorts, and his voice is all timid and she's suddenly reminded of how young he is. He's just a kid, not much older than she was when Stryker first experimented on them. She suddenly feels so much for him, being burdened with these powers, at his age, and after.. _after_ everything. She reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder.

 

« Hey, he has 8 PhDs, he loves science. He wouldn't be bothered by anything you ask him. » She tells him and she lets a few warm feelings seeping through her fingers onto him. She's not doing anything to him, she just lets him know that she means what she's saying and that he can surely do it. His eyes widens as the feelings reaches him and he turns to Sam, an incredulous look on his face.

 

« Did you know she could do that ? » Peter whispers, shock transparent in his voice.

 

Sam chuckles as he shakes his head. « We all have our little gifts, kid. »

 

Wanda smiles at Sam's words. She hadn't seen her powers as a gift in so long. Sure, she could take down Thanos, and alien armies, but still, it seemed she only brought destruction with them.

 

The three of them keep talking, about everything and nothing. Wanda learns a bit more about Peter, and she listens to Sam and how he plans to ask Billy and Tommy if they want to train and become the new generation of Avengers. At that , she opposes, claiming they're too young, but Sam pushes it , saying the offer is for training only, and that missions are off limits for minors. Peter interjects saying he was only 15 when he took down Captain America in Germany , and at that, Wanda and Sam look at eachother and share a sad look.

 

« That's exactly why we don't want kids anywhere near big missions. » Sam states. And Peter stares for a moment, but he nods. He understands, she thinks, that airport fight was such a big mistake, they can see it now, they all can. They should have been a team, as they had been trained to be.

They change the topic and soon enough, they're laughing and sharing smiles , and it's nice, it's so nice. It's like for a minute, they're not Avengers, they're not superheroes, they're just regular people and she wants it to last forever. She wishes she could freeze time and stay in that moment forever. She wishes Pietro was here, she wishes Steve was here, she wishes Natasha was here, she wishes Tony was here. She wishes they could share their laughs and theses smiles and funny stories. And she wishes James was here too, so he could share this with them, with _her_. He wishes she could hear him laugh and see his smile first hand. She is suddenly aware of the emptiness around her at the lack of his presence and it makes her sad for a moment. A moment quickly dismissed as Peter asks her something and suddenly she's brought back to the present and she's laughing. She's laughing and smiling and everything is okay.

 

Or so it was, until the little gathering is interrupted by America and James walking in the living room. Both of them are sweaty, but they're laughing too, and very much in eachother's personal space. Wanda adverts her eyes at the two of them, not wanting to let it get to her, but her heart tightens in her chest and she tries to make it go away or ignore it. She tries to ignore the conversation but suddenly , Sam and Peter rises and yes, of course, Peter has a home he needs to go back to and America leaves with them and she finds her alone with James in the living room that seems to have doubled in space. Silence fills the air around them, and none of them break it, and she hates that it's awkward. It's not supposed to, not with _him_.

 

« Have you eaten yet ? »

 

James' words don't really reach her, and she just shrugs, not meeting his eyes. She focuses her eyes on her fingers on her lap, and she hears him sigh before walking away. She feels bad and she tries, she really does, to not feel like she's being a child, but she doesn't want to meet his eyes and see the image of him bringing America closer to his body. It shouldn't be America, it should be _her_ , not this stranger.

 

She hears noises from the kitchen and she frowns because she can't remember the last time someone used it. She gets up and walks out, towards the kitchen and she sees James , working his way around the stove. A pot is already heating up, soft steam coming out of it, and the brunette man is taking a bowl out and a cutting board from one of the cupboards. She approaches the counter as he sets his things.

 

« What are you doing ? »

 

« Playing baseball, obviously. » He answers and she tilts her head to the side and gives him a pointed look. He chuckles, and she hates how his smiles makes her forget how she felt only two minutes ago. «  I am making pasta with tomato sauce. You like that ? »

 

She nods at his words, and watches him as he takes out fresh tomatoes from one of the bowls near the fridge. He grabs a knife and then comes back to the counter. «  You're just gonna sit there and watch me do all the work ? »

 

« I wouldn't want to mess your little cooking session. Besides, the view is better from here. » She says, not sure where the boldness comes from.

 

He raises an eyebrow at her, and the smirk growing on his lips, and she hates it, hates how handsome he looks right now and how she can't ignore it. But he looks back at his tomatoes, and away from her ; at least, now she can try to gather herself privately. She watches him slice the tomatoes, his vibranium arm shining under the kitchen lights, his movments showing some sort of expertise and she sees how easily he moves between the counter and the stove, how easily he adds the spices, how he smiles to himself when the smell starts to invade the whole kitchen. Memories come back in flashes, and how seven years ago, she stood in a kitchen, almost the same, and something was also cooking, but not quite the same, and a very different man stood in front of her. She thinks about Vision, and how he had tried to cheer her up, under falses pretenses at the same time. She feels the tears welling up in her eyes at the thoughts, and she can barely stops herself before they make their way down her cheeks.

 

« Hey, don't cry, you haven't had a bite yet. » James' voice brings her back to reality. She sniffles a little, a laugh escaping, and she wipes her cheeks dry.

 

«Don't flatter yourself, Sergent Barnes. » She said, trying to make it sound as cheerful as possible. She notices James stopping his slicing for a quick second, before resuming it again. He grabs another tomato and clears his throat.

 

« I _am_ a pretty good cook, I'll have you know. »

 

« Well, I guess I'll find out in a minute, won't I ? »

 

« Who said this food was actually for you ? » He retorts, teasing. «I don't share my food. »

 

« Oh, is that so ? » She teases back. Leaning on her elbows on the counter, she bats her eyelashes at him. «  And what should I do to earn some of this delicious food the Sergent is making ? » She's pulling her best puppy eyes at him, trying to remember how Pietro used to do it whenever he wanted something.

 

For a second, James only looks at her and she stares back, openly and the air has shifted, and it suddenly feels very intimate, and she almost wishes this counter wasn't sitting between them and that she could grab his face and meet his lips, his inviting lips. She leans a little further, wishing that the distance could just disappear and-

 

« You know what, » James interrupts her train of thoughts and he turns around, his back facing her, and stirs the pot and add the pasta, «  I'm feeling generous tonight so you can have some. Free of charge. »

 

She stares at his back and lets out a small sigh. She chuckles and nods at him, eventhough he can't see it. She doesn't even know how she could be so delusional, thinking he might like her. Maybe she read everything wrong, maybe he just sees her as this broken thing he can try to fix. Maybe he only sees her a friend, which is what they are. _Friends_ , just that.

 

 

They eat together, and she hates to admit it, but he _is_ a really good cook ; she finishes all of her pasta and almost wants to ask for a second serving but she knows glutony isn't good, so she doesn't but _gosh_ , the man can cook. They had their dinner on one of the balconies around the compound. It's different than the original one, they both know, but the air is nice tonight and James takes both of their plates and puts them to the side, and sits back down next to her. They're both looking at the vaste land in front of them, trying to forget how only two months ago, none of this was here. She can almost see it, all of it, all too well, the destruction, Thanos' army. She remembers the ashes, the dusty feeling on her skin when everything stopped. She remembers the look on Tony's face when life left him, the look on Steve's face when realization settled. She had always wondered about them, somehow, she always thought that they had something going, you don't argue with people you don't love like that , in her opinion. She thinks of Natasha, all of their hours of training, how she rescued them back in Scotland, with Steve and Sam. She thinks of Vision, and his face as the stone was torn from him. She thinks of Pietro, her other half, and the pain she felt when he left Earth, leaving her alone. She doesn't feel the tears flow down her face until she feels James' arm around her ; only then does she allows to let it all out. It's only then that she allows herself to sob, loudly. She allows herself to break, and lets James hold her. She doesn't want to think about how calming his hands softly rubbing up and down her shoulder is comforting or how she holds onto his shirt as she sobs into his chest. She doesn't want to think about how long she spends there, crying, breaking.

 

«It's all going to be okay.. » James whispers to her.

 

And she wants to beleve it, she wants to believe him. She truly does, she steps away from him, trying to wipe her cheeks. She looks up at him and she sees it. The good in him, how he always protected her, always helped her. She felt good when it was just the two of them, when they were away, driving. She looks at him and she sees it.

 

« James », she whispers his name and it's soft and his eyes are set on her, he's not moving, giving his undivided attention and they're so close, she could feel his breathing on her face almost, «  let's leave. »

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any thoughts :) ?


	18. Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come chat with me on tumblr : www.shesgotherown.tumblr.com ! Enjoy the chapter, feedback is always welcome :)

**18\. Bucky**

 

 

« James. »

 

She was looking at him intently. Her green eyes, rimmed with red from crying, her cheeks stained with tears-stream. He wishes he could just wrap her in his arms, protect her for the rest of his life from everyone and everything.

 

« Let's leave. »

 

At first, he doesn't understand what she means. Then , realization hits him. She wants to leave. To run. And she wants to leave with him. To run with him. She wants to drive away, like they were meant to. Like they were, before everything broke down. But it's not like before, it can't be. Can it ?

 

« Wanda,I don't.. » he starts but she interrupts by grabbing his hands.

 

« James, please. » And there are more tears in her eyes, and he hates how they don't belong there, he hates how broken she is right now, holding onto him for dear life. She shouldn't be like this. That's not how she's meant to feel. And he looks at her and he wants her to be happy, he wants to make her happy, he wants to be the one who does that. But leaving now.. can he do it ? Can he stand being near her, just the two of them, without anyone to interfere and get inbetween them ? Can he handle being near her and not reach out and hold her like he wants to ? The answer is clear to him.

 

He grabs her hands and lets out a sigh, while rubbing the soft skin of her hands. « You're tired. It's been a long day. You should get some rest. » And he doesn't look at her as he says this, only stares down at her hands, and he prays the truth doesn't seep through his skin. « Come on, let's get you in bed. »

 

With a swift movment, they both rise and he leads her back inside, making a mental note to come and pick up their plates later. He walks ahead, and she follows him, towards her room. He realizes he's never really been there, and the dark doesn't help him when he enters, but he finds the way to her bed. She stops, and he does too, and he turns to her.

 

« I need to change.. » She whispers and _oh,_ of course. He nods and goes to leave but she pulls him back, and _yes_ , they're still holding hands, her hand hasn't left his and god, why does it feel like it was always meant to be there ? «You can stay. »

 

And that's all she says before letting his hand go and she starts taking her shirt off. Bucky turns around the second she reaches her clothes. He doesn't need to see it, he shouldn't see it, he's not allowed to. He hears the ruffling of fabrics and he can hear Wanda's breathing and he tries to not think about the fact that she's undressing herself only a couple of feet away from him. A moment passes before her fingers found his again. She turns him around, and she's clothed again, but now she's wearing a long white nightshirt. He can barely make out her face in the dark of her room but he can feel her breathing, calm and peaceful, her fingers so warm around his, and he feels like his heart is about to give up. She's so close to him, and the air is tight around them and she's looking at him with her big green doe eyes and he's weak, he's only human.

 

« I should go.. » He whispers, and he doesn't want to. He could stay there and kiss her, and hold her and feel her but no, he can't, he shouldn't want this. It's wrong, he thinks. She's about to speak, but he doesn't let her. He blurts out a quick _goodnight_ before walking past her and out of the door. He keeps walking, hoping the more distance he puts between themselves, the better he'd feel. He doesn't stop until he's long past the gates of the new compound. He finds himself by the woods and he doesn't stop, he doesn't stop when he's crying, he doesn't stop as he screams into the night, the forest swallowing his rage. He yells and punches trees and cries some more and he falls to his knees, a helpless man with a broken soul in need for forgiveness.

 

 

It's early morning, when Sam finds him in the pool, swimming away. He's reaching one side of the pool when he notices his friend, and he stops by the edge.

 

« You're up early. » Sam states, his brows furrowed. « Trouble sleeping ? »

 

« Something like that. » He shrugs, brushing his hair from his eyes. « Why're you up ? »

 

«Clint called, said some stuff came up with a new kid. Apparently, she's going around playing vigilante, by the name of Hawkeye. It's starting to get attention, _bad_ attention. » Sam explains, as he crouches near the pool.

 

« He wants us to find her ? »

 

« No, he said he'd do it himself, but we should still keep an eye out. »

 

Bucky nods. «  Do you think she's enhanced ? Another kid someone experimented on ? »

 

« I don't know. I looked it up and there's no records of accidents or kids acting weird so as far as we know, Tommy and Billy might be rare two cases, but with this new kid coming up, and America coming from another universe entirely.. Maybe the breach was bigger than we thought. »

 

« Well, shit. Are we ever going to have a rest day ? » Bucky jokes.

 

Sam chuckles at his words. «  Oh, sorry we disturbed you on your little honeymoon roadtrip, mister senior citizen. »

 

Bucky doesn't say anything, just lets Sam's words sink in. He wants to say that it wasn't a honeymoon, that he and Wanda aren't a thing, that they're just friends. But that truth hurts, and he doesn't want to face it.

 

« Why are you two still here, anyway ? » Sam breaks him out of his rêverie.

 

« Trying to get rid of me, Wilson ? » Bucky tries to divert the subject but he's never that lucky, it seems.

 

« Not particularly. But you two were so excited to leave in the first place, I would've thought that the minute everything would be resolved you'd be gone first thing. »

 

Bucky sighs and he almost wants to let himself drop at the end of the pool just so he could avoid talking about it. « It's complicated. »

 

« Wanna talk about it ? »

 

Bucky sighs again. Can he talk about it ? Should he even ? Sam is his friend, he can confide in him.

 

« It's just.. Things are different. It wouldn't be the same as when we left. » He says and his heart breaks a little at the thought.

 

« What's changed ? »

 

« Everything. » Bucky answers. «  Everything's changed. I thought this trip would help us grieve, and instead.. », he can't continue, because he can't brace himself for the next words. « You know what , just forget it. I'll see you later. »

 

And with that, he's gone, back under the water, swimming away, surrending himself to the silence of the water, hoping that the noise in his brain would quiet too.

 

 

Later in the morning, he's about to walk into the kitchen, when he sees her speaking with Scott and Hope. It's her laugh he hears first and he loves it, loves to hear her laugh, she should always be laughing. And he watches, from behind the wall, he watches as she laughs and smiles and listens to Hope talk about Cassie, he watches how she smiles when Scott does a funny magic trick, and he thinks it should be like this. She should always be like this, and she's not always like this, not when she's with him. Gosh, they went on a roadtrip and she cried most times , and other times, she wouldn't speak to him. He isn't good for her, he can't protect her, they got kidnapped by a twenty year old for God's sake ! How good is he ? He doesn't deserve her, he doesn't. So he turns around and heads for the garage and gets in Sam's car. He'll text him later, he promises himself, and in one turn of keys he's out on the road.

 

He's been driving for hours, he's just passed Pittsburg. He tells himself that the miles in between him and New York mean nothing and that he's fine and that the ache in his chest every time his phone rings in his pocket isn't there. He's fine, he needs to be away from all of this, he needs to think.

 

His phone rings once more in his pocket, and he wants to ignore it, but then he tells himself that he probably should answer. He spots a gas station and drives there and stops on the sideways. He takes a few deep breaths in and takes his phone out of his jeans pocket. He sees missed calls and voicemails and texts from Sam and a few missed calls from Wanda.

 

**From Sam :**

 

Dude, where are you ?

 

**From Sam :**

 

Bucky, where on earth are you ?

 

**From Sam :**

 

Did you take my car ????

 

**From Sam :**

 

Man, wherever you are, you gotta come back, Wanda is freaking out !

 

**From Sam :**

 

Dude, call me back ! We're getting worried here.

 

He scrolls through variants of the same messages and his eyes keep coming back to the same sentence. _Wanda is freaking out._ Wanda is freaking out because he left. He left her. He ran away, like a coward, like a child, because what ? Because he can't face a simple truth. Because he's a stupid hundred years old guy who doesn't know what he's supposed to feel. Part of him wants to keep driving, to just go, leave, and never look back. He could do that. He could drive, settle in another city, cut his hair, start a new life. He could meet someone, he could fall in love with them and forget all the bad things from his past. But a bigger part of him knows he can't. He doesn't want to somehow. He could never meet someone new and fall in love, not when green eyes haunt his nights and days, not where a particular laugh makes his heart stop for a quick second. Gosh, he doesn't want to start anything new, not if it's not with _her_. He throws his phone on the passenger seat in a hurry, and drives the car to a gas pump. He's going to need all the fuel he can get if he wants to drive for the next eight hours.

 

When he parks the car back in the garage of the compound, he makes sure that he's as silent as he can. The sun is getting low on the horizon, and he knows where he as to go next as he steps out of the car. He runs up the stairs, wishing he could fly or go through walls so he could get there faster. Finally, he reaches her door. There's not a sound from the other side, and he knocks very lightly on the door.

 

« Go away, Sam ! » He hears from another side and he mentally punches himself for causing this. Gently, he pushes the door open and takes an hesitant step in. He sees Wanda by her window, she's sitting on a loveseat, basking in the sunset light, and it makes her dyed ginger hair looked like fire, and he thinks _beautiful_.She turns to him, and he hates that he immediately notices the tears stained cheeks and the red rimmed eyes she's showing. She doesn't tell him to leave, but she gets up from her spot, and he takes another step in the room before closing the door behind him. But then, he freezes. He is there, in front of her, looking at her, and she's looking at him, beautiful, perfect in his eyes, and he can't get a word out of what he prepared to say.

 

Slowly, she walks to him, one step at a time, and he expects the worst. She could kill him with a snap of her fingers, she could make him go mad, she could throw him out of her window with a wift of the hand. But instead, she stops a few feet away from him and stares at him.

 

«You left. » Her voice is a broken whisper. It's not even a question, or a blame. She's just stating it, as if it was to be expected that he would at some point.

 

« I needed time to think. » He says.

 

« About what ? » She asks, and he thinks this is it, this is when he tells her. He's got it all prepared but the words are stuck in his throat.

 

«You said that we could leave. Why ? » He says instead, but really, he needs to know. He needs to know if this is all in his head.

 

She frowns at him, and her eyes leaves his face for a second, before she sighs. «  Because, I don't want to be here. I don't want to be in a place where everywhere I go, I can see the ghosts of people who are not here anymore. I want to .. », she stops and turns around. He wants to hug her and tell her it's okay, that he understands, but he doesn't, « I want to know that there's a life out there, and that I can be a part of it. I want to be able to be me, to be Wanda. Just Wanda. »

 

« But you could do that without me. » He pipes in. « You don't have to leave with me to experience that. »

 

She turns back to him, and looks, really looks at him.After a moment, she shakes her head slightly.

 

« Well, maybe I've grown attached to you. » She says, and there's a smile at the end of that sentence. Bucky wants to believe those words so much, but doubt fills him.

 

« Don't play with me, Wanda. » He tells her in a whisper, and there's a confession waiting there, and the words are there, on his tongue, waiting to be spoken but he can't find himself to.

 

« I meant every word I've ever said. » And he wonders if it's true, if she actually does mean every word. He wants to ask, wants to know, but he doesn't. Instead, he just sighs and nods.

 

« We'll leave in the morning. » Her face lights up at his words and she smiles brightly at him. And gosh, how he wishes he could touch her then, how he wishes he could just wrap her in his arms and kiss her like he wants to. « I should go. »

 

He turns to leave, but she stops him by reaching for his hand. A flick of her fingers and her door is locked. He turns back to her, and raises an eyebrow.

 

« You're not going anywhere. » She says, in a very bossy tone and he'd lie if he said that this didn't turn him on just a little. « Last time you said that, you disappeared for a day. I'm not letting you out of my sight _ever again_. »

 

And with that she grabs his hand more firmly, and he chuckles as she leads him to her bed. « Possessive much ? »

 

« Only with people I like. »

 

He ignores the flutter his heart makes and snorts. «  I am flattered. » She gets on the bed, reaching for her remote and he follows her, after taking his shoes, and he's laying next to her but suddenly he's not entirely sure what he should do. He is supposed to just lay there ? Should he open his arms for her to come by his side? She's flicking through her tv screen with her remote, and seems to be oblivious to his inner struggle so he just puts his arms behind his head, and tries to be nonchalant about the whole thing. He can do this. He's Bucky Barnes, he used to get girls every week back in the days, he can totally do this. Wanda finally settles on a movie, something about toys but he's not really paying attention because she curls up next to him and his heart starts beating as if it's about to jump out of his chest and he's overwhelmed by her fragrance. Peach a side of cherries, and still that little something he can't quite pinpoint.

 


	19. Wanda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little overdue but I am in the process of moving from my student appartment so please bear with me! I hope you like this chapter, the next one is going to be my favorite one I think. Let me know what you think :)

  1. Wanda




 

 

When Wanda wakes up, she feels warm, she feels the sun hitting on her skin, she feels James' chest rising and falling under her fingers. The thought of it makes her smile and she slowly opens her eyes. She blinks a few times, adjusting to the light before looking up. James is peacefully sleeping, next to her, or rather under her. She's all cuddled up on his chest and one of his arms is wrapped around her, keeping her close to his side. She is not entirely sure of how they got into this position, she remembers keeping him inside her room – locking him inside, technically, she was _not_ about to let him go again – and then setting up a movie on her TV. She'd wanted to keep him here forever. Right there, safe in her arms, she wishes she could keep him forever this way. He moves a little but doesn't wake up just yet. She stares at his face, and she wishes she had known him earlier. Someone so kind, someone so good as him, someone so broken, she wishes she had known him earlier so she could have helped him maybe. But looking at him now, she realizes she couldn't have. She volunteered for Stryker's experiments, she willingly helped Hydra. If it hadn't been for Ultron and what she saw when she touched the Regeneration Cradle which created Vision, maybe she would still be helping them. Maybe, Pietro would still be alive. But is being alive and on the wrong side of things really worth it ? She would give everything to have her brother back, but right now.. If she had stayed with Hydra, she would have never became an Avenger, never would have met James. She looks at him right now and wishes she could give him a good life. She .. she feels things for him, she doesn't quite know what they are yet, but it's there and she can't try to pretend and ignore it. But he doesn't deserve her, not her, not her who helped the very same organization who brainwashed him into becoming an assassin. He doesn't deserve someone like her, who has done nothing but bring destruction, cause trouble. She helped Hydra, she helped Ultron in taking down the Avengers at first. She's no good for him.

 

She stirs away from him and sits up on her bed, wiping her cheeks away. _Gosh_ , she thinks, it seems like she's always crying these days. She takes a deep breath and tris to gather herself. James moves next to her and, shit, now he's waking him up. She turns to him, and watches him as he emerges from slumber. She hates the way his smile makes her heart flutter and she quickly adverts her eyes and prepares herself to tell him that she can't come with him, that she was stupid, that she was selfish for asking him to take her with him.

 

« Mornin' », James mumbles next to her. She watches rubbing his eyes, and stretch his long, muscular body. She adverts her eyes when his t-shirt slides up from his torse a little, and she tries to not think about the flash of bare skin she saw. « Slept well ? » James asks, not aware of her inner turmoil.

 

She shrugs, not really trusting her voice right now. Her heart is pounding in her chest, and she's struggling to breathe properly.

 

«Hey.. » He reaches for one strand of her hair, the one falling in front of her eyes so he can her better, his hand stays on her shoulder « What's wrong ? »

 

She wants to tell him, she has to. It'll break her heart but she has to do it. She gathers herself and turns to him. But the second she meets those blue eyes, so bright and gentle, looking at her with so much concern, she can't find it in herself.

 

« Nothing. » She answers him, and it's true, nothing's wrong, not when his eyes are only on her, not when he smiles at her words, and she finds herself smiling back, nothing's wrong when he's sitting next to her, in her bed, with so little space between them.

 

He smiles and gets up from the bed. He stretches a bit more and then turns to her. « I'll get my stuff ready and I'll meet you downstairs for some breakfast before we leave, alright ? »

 

There it is, an opening, she can tell him now, she can do it. But.. She nods at his words, and watch as he strides to leave her room.

 

« James ? » She calls him before he reaches the door, and he stops, turning back. There's so much she wants to say, so much she wants to tell him, but again, she gives up. « Thank you. » Those two words escape her lips and she thinks they're not even close to represent what she means.

 

He smiles at her, and exits. She watches the empty doorstep and falls back on her bed. She's an idiot. She should've told him that she couldn't go. She wants to but she can't. She can't be around him, not when she did what she did. God, why couldn't she just be normal ? Suddenly she regrets her powers, she wishes she never had gone off and volunteered for those experiments. But then.. Would she have met James ?

 

 

She's wiping the steam on her mirror, so she can see her reflection. She sees the pink color around her eyes and thinks about how not twelve hours earlier she was crying her eyes out. But it's all good now, it's all going to be okay. It's all going to be okay. She'll go with James, and they'll have a nice time, and they'll go to Anchorage, they'll see the mountains, and everything will be fine.

She starts brushing her wet hair, and hates how long it got. There's a few knots at the end of it, and the dry split ends don't help and she grows frustrated quickly. Acting on impulse, she searches for scissors in the small cupboard under her sink. When she finds them, she reaches for her hair, and quickly cuts a big length of it. She cuts the other side, and lets out a long sigh as she looks at her new short hair. The two sides aren't exactly similar so she makes sure the length match, and she ends up with a shoulder length cut. Looking at her reflection, she can't remember the last time she had hair this short, probably when she was a young girl. She tells herself that this change is good, change is always good. She can do it, she's Wanda Maximoff. She's an Avenger, she almost defeated Thanos on her own. She can do everything she wants. She can be anything she wants.

 

She enters the kitchen and finds James with Sam. The two men are having breakfast and they seem to be joking about something. But the minute she steps in the room, James looks up and she doesn't miss how his eyes stay on her for a few seconds longer, but she quickly turns her eyes towards Sam as he whistles at her.

 

« Wow, hello miss, and can I buy you a drink ? » Sam teases.

 

« It's barely 9 am, Sam. » She answers, chuckling.

 

« So, that's a yes for tonight ? » He jokes again, and she's about to answer him but James pipes in.

 

« Sorry man, the only man she's having drinks tonight is me. » She's surprised by the tone he uses, he's not laughing or adding to the joke, and she sees it in his eyes and how he sits straight all of sudden. His eyes find hers and there's something different in them she's never seen before. They don't leave her and she can feel a blush creeping on her cheeks so she goes up to the cupboards and starts to prepare her breakfast.

 

« So you two are really going back on this roadtrip ? » She hears Sam ask and she hears James answering him but she doesn't turn around, she tries to focus on her toasts but she can still feel James' eyes on her and she doesn't know why she feels like this. He has never looked at her like that. _No one_ has ever looked at her like that.

 

 

They've been driving all day, only stopped to buy some sandwiches from a gas station. They've been quiet for the main part of the journey, apart from the occasional conversations about a song on the radio or the landscape they pass by. The sun has been set for at least an hour and she notices how his eyes are getting tired.

 

« Let's stop at the next town alright ? » She suggests and he nods quietly. She wishes she could reach back and soothe him. She makes a mental note to make sure he gets some rest when they get to the motel.

 

They drive for another 30 minutes before he turns to a little motel on the side of the road. It's quite big, she thinks, but still little enough that it isn't too big. She exits the car first and grabs their bags, and doesn't let James take them from her.

 

« Ever heard of feminism, James ? »

 

At that, he sighs but she doesn't miss his little smirk. They enter the main lobby and walk up to the register. The lady behind the desk gives them a room with double beds and they thank her. After Wanda pays, James takes the opportunity to grab the bags again, and this time it's her turn to sigh.

 

« Sorry doll, but my mama raised me right. »

 

She gives him a big smile and she walks next to him as they go to their room. It's nice, not too big but there's a bathtub so she's happy.

 

James drops their bags in one corner and goes to check each corner of the room. She frowns at that, he didn't do that before.

 

« What are you doing ? »

 

« Just checking no one is hiding in the closets. » He answers as he literally checks inside a closet.

 

And she gets it. She doesn't want someone hiding in here and attacking them in the middle of the night. She fishes out a few clothes as he finishes his little inspection. He drops on the other bed, and stretch like a cat, which makes her chuckle.

 

« I wish car seats were more comfortable », he whispers and she feels bad for letting him drive all day. After driving yesterday and today, he must be feeling so sore. She wishes she could do something. An idea grows in her and she decides to see it through. She walks towards his bed and nudges him over.

 

« Sit up. » She orders and he raises an eyebrow at her but still obeys. She props himself behind him, crossing her legs under her, and raises her hand to the back of his neck and starts moving her fingers.

 

« What are you- .. oh.. oh that's good.. »

 

She continues her little massage of the back of his neck. She moves lower and works on his back, feeling the tension underneath her fingers. She pretends she doesn't hear the small moans he occasionally lets out and that it doesn't do anything to her. She takes her time but after a while, she does feel him being relaxed and she pulls her hands away from his body reluctantly.

 

« Feel better ? »

 

James clears his throat, and shifts a bit on the bed. « Yes, thank you. Didn't know you were good at that. »

 

« I'm good at a lot of things. » She replies, and he turns to look at her properly, an eyebrow raised and a playful smirk.She gets a glimpse of his thoughts – she's not peaking , but they're rather loud. « Oh get your mind out of the gutter ! » She adds, poking his shoulder. He laughs and rolls his eyes.

 

«Stay out of my head ! » He jokes as he rises from the bed, walking over to the bathroom.

 

« Then don't think so loud! » Her eyes follows him as he steps into the other room. He doesn't close the door, and she can't tear her gaze away from him. She sees as he takes off his shirt in a swift movment, she sees how the muscles on his back move when he lifts his t-shirt over his head, how his chest lifts before he lets out a deep breath as he drops his t-shirt on the bathroom floor. She follows the outline of the muscles of his good arm as he leans against the sink.

 

« Enjoying the view ? »

 

She snaps out of her little staring phase and meets his eyes through the mirror. He's smirking at her and she feels the blush creeping on her cheeks. She clears her throat, and adverts her eyes, trying to regain some composure. « I've seen better. »

 

She looks anywhere but back at him, so she doesn't see how his eyes are set on her, her small frame sitting on the bed. She doesn't see how he sighs quietly, and shakes his head.

 

« You're tough on me, little witch. »

 

At the sound of the nickname, she looks back at him. His eyes are still on her, but this time , his body is turned towards her, and even though he's standing feets aways from her, she somehow feels trapped under his stare. The way his eyes seems to bore into her soul, seeing right through her. The way she can't seem to move under his stare. And how she doesn't really want to escape.

 

They stare at eachother for a minute before she breaks the gaze first. She gets up from the bed, and walks over to her bag, trying to distract himself from the burning feeling of wanting to touch him. « I'm going to the vending machine, do you want anything ? » she asks, trying to pretend her voice is not shaking.

 

« No, thanks, I'm good. » She hears him answer, and she leaves the room as quickly as possible. She flees down the corridor, putting as much distance as she can between the two of them. She hates how ignited her body feels, like all of her senses are on the edge, aware of eachother. She feels her fingers tickling as she makes her way to the front lobby, where the vending machine is. She smiles at the lady behind the desk and stops in front of the display. She looks at all the bars and small sandwiches but can't seem to see them. She feels hot, like her body is on fire, and she feels like her powers are on the verge of bursting out. She clenches her fists and closes her eyes, trying her best to not cause a scene. The last thing she needs right now is for her powers to be unmanageable. She composes herself and re-opens her eyes.She can do this.

 

She presses a couple of buttons and puts in her dollar bill. The two sandwiches fall and she gets them and smiles back at the lady again, before turning around and going back to the room. She walks back slowly, trying to gain some strengh as her feet take her back to the room. She stops before entering. She hears the shower running and drops one of the sandwiches on his bed, and settles on her own. While she's eating, her thoughts drift off ; she remembers their first drive, how much of an emotional baby she was and now.. She thinks about all the times she wanted to say things but didn't and how she let all her emotions bottle up. She thinks about James, who somehow never left during the times where she was difficult. He stayed, always, he never left her, apart from the little .. incident of yesterday. But he came back. He came back, and for her.. that means so much. She wishes she could figure out how she truly feels already and do something about it. Part of her is tired of running and hiding away. It's all she's been doing ever since her parents died.

 

James entering back into the little room breaks her train of thoughts. His sweatpants are hanging low on his hips and his bare chest is still glistening from the shower, his long hair is dripping on the floor and she has to take her eyes away before her face betrays her thoughts. She clears her throat and gestures towards his bed with her head. « Brought you a sandwich. », she tells him and she starts playing with her phone, pretending to be very interested in answering texts.

 

«You really didn't have to. » He says to her as he walks to his bed and makes himself comfortable against the headboard.

 

« You need to eat though. »

 

He sighs and she glances at him. He has a small smile on his lips and he cracks open the plastic wrapping. «  Thank you then. »

 

« Anytime. » She says and she goes back to replying to the texts on her phone.

 

She lets him eat in silence, and soon after the two of them are laying on their bed, peacefully breathing. The air is serene, quiet, no words are exchanged between them for a while, and Wanda can hear his breathing slowing and he's falling asleep and she turns to him, watching his face. He looks so calm, so at ease, she wishes he could always look like this. She badly wants to reach out and touch his skin, softly, just to feel it under her fingertips. She wants to trace the edges of his face and memorize it till that's the only thing she knows. She wants to know what his mind is thinking of right now. Does he think about her ? Does he ever think that she worked for the same organization that hurt him ? Does he ever get scared of her ? Does he regret his decision to come back for her ? Did he really come back for her ultimately ? He never specifically told her why he left, only that he needed time to think. But think about what, exactly ?

 

« I can hear your brain thinking. » His voice is a raspy whisper as it breaks the silence between them.

 

She sighs. «  Sorry. »

 

« What are you thinking about ? »

 

She thinks she could ask him. She wants to know why he left, but is she ready to hear the answer ?

 

«Why did you come back to the compound?» She asks instead. «You could have left and start a new life, away from all of this..»

 

It's his turn to sigh now. « Yes, I guess I could have. I thought about that for a moment.»

 

«Then why did you come back?» Her heart is racing in her chest, she thinks it could stop any second. She's desperately trying to pretend that her breathing is normal, her hands tightening into fists when she feels her powers seeping out. He opens his eyes and turn to her. She can see his blue eyes settle on her and she feels like this morning when he looked at her in the kitchen, in a way she's never seen him do.

 

« You. » He simply answers, and her lips fall open, letting out the breath she was holding. « I was driving and somehow I .. All I could think about was you. I knew you should have been with me, riding with me. I can't explain why.. I just knew. I knew I didn't want you to be alone. »

 

She processes his words and slowly understand their meaning. It was her. He came back for her. It's real. He really came back for her. She wants to cry or jump to the roof with happiness, she's not sure which. All she knows is that yes, she should be with me. And somehow, she wants to make sure he does know that too. Slowly, she rises from her bed and crosses the space between them. She crawls on his bed and settles on his lap. His eyes followed her the whole time, and now that she's closer , she sees his blue eyes and his dark pupils and the outline of his lips and she quickly gathers her courage before it leaves.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry I just very much love Elizabeth with short hair!   
> Thoughts :) ?


	20. Bucky

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you go :) Hope you enjoy it and as always, thank you so much for reading this story, and please let me know what you think ! :)

  1. Bucky




 

 

Bucky watches her walk to his bed and for a second, he thinks she's going to come and lay next to him, as they did so many times before. He won't mind it, part of him hopes she does, because he misses her smaller frame next to his, and he misses her warmth and wait- _what_. She's throwing her legs on each side of his body, locking him between them. She's looking down at him, and he can see her chest lifting with long breaths, her hands clenching and unclenching by her sides. He sits up slightly, balancing himself on his elbows. He's trying to see through her, trying to understand her, but the expression on her face isn't one he knows.

 

« Wanda ? » He asks quietly, trying to not startle her.

 

She closes her eyes at his words, and takes a deep breath. «  Wait.. Let me gather my courage.. ».

 

He wants to ask _why_ , but then she opens her eyes and he sees determination in them, those beautiful green eyes that hold him hostage. She leans in closer and he can feel her breathing on his cheeks, and he thinks _he_ has forgetten what breathing is. Her lips touch his and it's timid, they're barely there, but the contact is enough to short-circuit his brain. She pulls away quickly, and search for his eyes, and he's not entirely sure what he's supposed to do, he doesn't know why _she_ did this. All he knows is that he's been wanting for this. Her eyes, they're not as determined as before, he can spot glimpses of fear in them now, and he notices her bottom lip trembling, something he knows is a sign of fear from her. He doesn't want her to be scared, not now, not ever.

 

« I am sorry, » she whispers. «  I just.. A kiss seemed like a good way to say thank you. »

 

She looks down, and even in the dim light of the room, he can see the blush creeping on her cheeks. Slowly, he sits up more, but keeping her on his lap with his metal arm ; with his other arm, his good one, he caresses her face, trying to ease the tension he sees. His fingers reach her lips and he hears the faint gasp she makes and something twitches in him. With his thumb, he opens her lips, and leans in to capture them between his. It's more forceful than hers, but it's still gentle, still shy. He feels her hands wrapping around his neck, her fingers settling in his hair, pulling lightly. He can't help but moan in her mouth at the feeling. He feels her smile in the kiss, and he takes that opportunity to bite her bottom lip, and the sound she makes after that sends him to heaven. He deepens the kiss and she doesn't stop him, and she's pressed against him and he can feel her moving against him, and it takes everything in him to stop. He puts his hands on her hips, stopping her motions. He breaks the kiss, trying to regain a normal breathing pattern. His heart is about to leap out off his chest, they're both breathing heavily. Wanda's eyes are closed, her chest heaving up and down against his, her fingers still buried in his hair, her cheeks are flushed and he can't help but stare, he wants to remember her this way, he wants to remember how her eyes slowly open and meet his, how soft her skin feels against his, how good this feels. He wants to feel like this for the rest of his life.

 

« This.. » she speaks softly against his lips, «  It never felt like this. » Her voice raspy and she sounds out of breath and he can't help but feel proud that he's the one that is responsible for it. « Thank you, James. »

 

And she smiles at him, it's a bright smile, one he hasn't seen seen in a while, one he's missed dearly and he wants it to stay on her lips forever. He doesn't know where the courage comes but, he drops a kiss on her cheek, before whispering in her ear. «  I was just getting started, darling. »

 

And then his lips are on her neck and he feels her body jerk at the kiss but his hands, still on her hips, keep her in place while he sucks on the delicate skin of her neck. She's moaning and that's melody to his ears and only makes him want to continue, and soon enough, he's devouring her neck and his name falls from her lips as a hushed whimper and her hands are clenched into fists in his hair and when she bites into her skin, he can feel her jerk against him, and the movment alone almost sends him over the edge. Again, he keeps her hips from moving too much, and leans back slightly, away from her neck.

 

« Don't. » He says, in a groan, before licking the bruised skin.

 

« Why ? » And her voice is so low, he wants to hear it all the time.

 

« Tight pants. » He answers quickly, and at that, she rocks against him, harder. And the sound he lets out at the contact is loud and desperate. « Wanda, please.. We shouldn't.. »

 

Suddenly, she leans back, and he meets her eyes and again, they're searching for his. « I think we should.. » she whispers against his lips, and she kisses him again, and this time she's the one attacking him, invading his mouth with her tongue fighting for dominance, and her hands travel down his chest, pushing him down on the bed, and she grinds into him and he doesn't know what brought her to this stage. But as much as he wants her, he doesn't want her to do this because she feels like she owes him. He puts his hands on her waist, and broke the kiss, although it takes all the self control in him to stop. He finally has the girl he wants on top of him, kissing him and he stops ? What is wrong with him ?

 

« We really shouldn't. » He says and he can't pretend he doesn't see disappointment on Wanda's face.

 

«  Am I really that bad ? » She asks, and she sounds like she's about to cry and god, he hates himself, and he shakes his head quickly and starts to speak but she cuts him off. «  Forget it, I know it was stupid anyway ! » And with those words, she gets off of him and the bed, and walks to the bathroom and locks the door behind her. His call for her is stuck in his throat and his head falls back on the bed, and he curses himself for saying the wrong things. And now, he's got a problem _down there_. He doesn't want to deal with it right now, because he needs to talk to Wanda. He gets up from the bed, and it's a bit painful, but he ignores it, and walks to the locked bathroom door. He stands in front of it for a while, before knocking on it.

 

« Wanda.. » he calls for her, fully knowing she won't answer. « Wanda, please let me in.. » He doesn't hear anything from the other side and he leans his forehead against the wood. « Please, let me explain.. »

 

A few seconds pass before he hears the door lock moving.He slowly opens it and finds Wanda sitting against the bathtub. Her hands are clenched in fists, glowing with red energy. He slowly approaches and moves to sit in front of her. He takes her hands in his, unclench the fists and they're hot, warm, the power is intense but he doesn't let them go. She's not looking at him, and for some reason, he prefers that, he's not sure what he would do if she was to look at him right now. With the little amount of courage, he starts to speak up.

 

« You're not bad. Trust me, you're .. far away from bad, » he tried his best to not let all of his thoughts betray him, «I just can't .. I can't let you do something you might regret later. We can't.. we can't do this right now. You deserve something better than it being done in a cheap motel room in the middle of nowhere with someone you don't love. You're worth than that, Wanda.»

 

The red energy slowly disappears as he speaks, and he rubs her hands. « Come on, doll face, let's get some sleep. »

 

She follows him outside of the bathroom as he leads her, her hands in his. He brings her to his bed, and lays her down, and he lies down next to her. He's facing her, and she's still not looking at him, and he puts a few strands of hair away from her face. He wants to break the tension between them, but he doesn't know what to say ; there's so much that he could say, so much that he _wants_ to say, but not right now, not when they're laying like this, not when they almost.. gosh.. if he hadn't stopped her, how far could they have gone ? And if he wasn't such a gentleman and cared so much about her, he probably would've let her go all the way.. and he hates himself for that.

 

His hand stay around the nape of her neck and somehow he feels compelled to ask. « Why did you cut your hair ? » He asks.

 

She shrugs. «  Needed a change. » she answers and she's finally looking at him, and her eyes, there's no sadness anymore but they're not happy either, they seem numb, and it's a look he knows all too well, and he never wants to see it on her. She deserves more than that.

 

« Come here.. », and she scoots closer to his body, her hands finding their way to his bare sides, her fingers a warmth he welcomes. He moves his hands from her neck slightly and he rubs her cheeks with his thumb. His eyes are locked on her and he sees the little freckles on her nose, and he makes a mental note of how many there are. He wishes they could always stay like this, hidden from the world, safe with each other, away from the troubles. He wants to tell her, he wants to tell her that he likes her – loves her even, if he could admit to himself first –, that he wants to be with her, that he hopes he gets to kiss her again, that she deserves better than him. But he can't, so he soothes his thumb against her skin and drops a kiss on her forehead. «  Go to sleep, little one. »

 

And he keeps his lips there, close to her, and he can feel her breathing on his neck and he doesn't want to think about the fact that her lips are _right there_. So he focuses on her, keeping her there, locked in his arms, safe, as he prays that one day, he can be worthy of her touch.

 

 

When he wakes up, he's immediately aware of the emptiness next to him. His eyes shoot open and the arm that was holding Wanda all night is laying flat on the cold spot. He can hear the shower running and his brain goes back to last night. After all of this.. What now ? He takes a deep breathe and keeps it in, before letting it out in a long sigh. He wishes he could get everything out on the open, talk about how he feels with Wanda, but how could he ? He can see she's going through so much on her own, how could he unload this burden on her ? It already feels heavy for him to bear, how could he put that on her ? No, he couldn't, he possibly couldn't. He had to be strong for her, they need to go through this trip. And if he had to bury parts of himself so he can be a good friend, then so be it.

 

The bathroom doors open, letting Wanda out and Bucky turns his body to look at her. She's patting her wet hair with a towel and when she notices he's awake, she smiles at him, almost shyly, and he thinks she looks younger, like a teenager and he can't help but find her even more beautiful, and he smiles back. He can't help it, he just does.

 

«Well good morning sleeping beauty ! » She says as she walks towards the bed.

 

« Didn't sleeping beauty get a kiss tho ? » And he doesn't know why he's saying it, especially after last night, and he sees how her smiles fades as she sits next to him.

 

« Look.. about last night.. Let's just forget about it, okay ? » She says, and he'll lie and say his heart didn't stop and shatter at the words. « It was stupid of me and I shouldn't have put you in that position, forcing myself on you, it just-.. »

 

« Hey, hey, what ? » He interrupts her and sits up so he's at eye level with her. « Wanda, you _didn't_ force yourself on me, god , _absolutely not_  ! »

 

« But I kissed you, and I shouldn't have, and if it wasn't for me starting it- »

 

« Wanda, look at me. » He puts his hands on each side of her face so she does. « You kissed me. And I kissed you back. Last night, what happened, was consensual. On both side. Okay ? »

 

She looks at him for a quick second, before speaking again. «  Then why did you stop me ? And don't tell me you didn't want me to make a mistake, I don't buy that. »

 

He sighs and drops his hands from her face. He should've known this wouldn't be as easy. « But it's true. Did you really want to have sex with me in a cheap motel room ? Don't you want a better experience than that ? »

 

« It's not like I would know.. », she whispers and looks down. He searches for her eyes, waiting for her to continue. « I just.. I just want to know how it feels.. To be touched by real hands, to be kissed, to be wanted.. »

 

« Wanda.. »

 

« Anyway, it's stupid. » She rises from the bed, not letting him finish his sentence. She goes over to her bag, and ruffles through it. « We should hit the road soon, they're forecasting rains for tonight, and I don't like driving in the rain that much, so we should get going fast. »

 

He watches her as she moves around the room, picking up her clothes and putting them in her bag. He sighs but chooses to let it go. For now.

 

« You're not driving. »

 

She turns back to him. «  You've been driving a lot lately, it's only fair you get to sit back and rest for a while. » Her tone doesn't suggest that she's open to argue the issue, so he groans and falls back on the bed. He could do this, he could do this, he could do this. He repeated the phrase like a mantra, praying, hoping that indeed, he could.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit overdue, but I am dealing with some emotional stuff and trying to move apartments and trying to find a university that'll accept me..   
> So I hope you'll apologize me for this very short chapter, you'll find out more about the nightmare and what it was in the next chapter.   
> I love you guys, stay kind, thank you for everything :)

  1. Wanda




 

 

Her thumb is tapping on the steering wheel as James is humming the song playing on the radio. She's been driving ever since they left the motel this morning. Right now, the sun is setting on their left as they're driving ; they've passed Chicago an hour ago and Wanda is following the road and James is guiding her from time to time when she's confused. They've been good, the ride has been nothing but laughs and jokes and she cherishes the fact that the silence is not awkward. She pretends she doesn't notice his eyes on her at times, she pretends she doesn't like the way his mouth twitch into a half smile when she catches his eyes. She tries to tell herself it's nothing, that it doesn't mean anything, that her feeling this way is nothing. They're _friends_. She's his friend, and he's hers. As long as this fact stays true, then she guesses it's okay.

 

Later, as she walks to her bed, about to slip under her covers for a good night sleep, James grabs her hand and pulls her to him. She frowns at him, but then she shouldn't be surprised when he raises the covers over her and brings her to lay next to him. He pulls her close to him and she doesn't stop him, not when his arm wraps around her, not when he lets out a soft sigh against her neck. And she wonders if friends do this, if friends hold each other like this. She wonders as he whispers goodnight against the skin of her shoulder, if he treats all of his friends that way or if she's just a lucky exception. But she doesn't say anything, she wishes goodnight back and closes her eyes.

 

 

Something is moving against her, but her mind is too tired and she doesn't want to deal with it. She tries to go back to sleep but the moving is still there, and she remembers where she is. Motel. Bed. James. She's soon aware that he's the one moving, his whole body shaking. She notices the frown on his beautiful face, the heavy breathing, his hands clenched in tight fists by his sides, and she immediately knows he's having a nightmare. She sits up and tries to shake him awake, but nothing does the trick. If anything, he grows more agitated.

 

« James, James.. wake up ! » She says. His body is cold and she is trying to get him to wake up, but he is still worlds away from her. She hates that she has to do it, but she raises her hands near his temples and uses her powers to get into his mind, she gets a grasp of his conciousness and manages to bring him back. His eyes shoot open and he clumsily falls from the bed. He backs away until his back hits the wall, he's breathing heavily and his eyes have a haunted look that scares Wanda. She tries to get off from the bed, to go to him and comfort him but he speaks up.

 

« No, please.. let me.. », he's trying to breathe normally, « I need to catch my breath.. »

 

So she lets him. She stays on the bed, watching him, watching the distance between them , wishing she could cross it. She stays on the bed, as she listens to his ragged breathing, as she watches his eyes slowly regain the softness she desperately loves.

 

« Did I hurt you ? Are you okay ?» He asks, and she almost wants to laugh, because of course he would ask how she is after he has a nightmare. But she doesn't, and just shakes her head. He nods but he doesn't seem to register her completely.

 

« Are _you_ okay ?» She asks, and she sees how his fingers twitches and seem to be shaking, and she wants nothing more to hold them between hers and ease the tension in them. But she respects his wish, and stays put.

 

« I'll be fine. » He answers, and she doesn't retort on the fact that he ultimately avoids her question because part of her very much relates. « I am sorry I woke you. »

 

«You don't have to apologize. Not to me. » And he raises his eyes to meet hers, and she hopes he knows she means it. In this moment, she hopes he knows that he could do anything to her, hurt her, break her heart, leave a hundred times and never come back, and still, if he smiled at her afterwards, she'd probably okay.

 

With a sigh, he rises from the floor and goes towards the small bathroom. She wants to follow him, she doesn't want him out of her sight, but he doesn't ask her so she stays on the bed. Her fingers itch at their stillness but she clenches her fists. She hears water splashing and she tries to busy herself by smoothing the wrinkles on the sheets. When he walks back in the room, he doesn't look at her and heads straight for the other bed, and sits on the far end of it, the one further away from her, his back facing her.

 

« Don't do that again. » His voice is hoarse, like he had been yelling and screaming for hours, like he's not himself. «  Don't ever get in my head again. »

 

« I'm sorry.. I tried to wake you, but nothing worked and you were growing very agitated and- »

 

«Just don't do it again, Wanda. » And his voice is a bit louder when he turns to her, and she winces at the sudden outburst. «  You don't need to see what's in there. I don't want you to see what's in there. »

 

And with that, he slips under the covers, and keeps his back to her. Part of her understands, she wouldn't want anyone prying in her mind, manipulating her, seeing what's in there. But part of her, part of her hates that he shuts her down, that he doesn't want her to know, to help him. If asked, she'd probably say that it didn't hurt, that being ignored, denied by him at this particular moment didn't hurt, that the emptiness she felt didn't hurt. She'd probably lie and say she didn't bury her face in his pillow, drowning herself in his scent, while her tears soaked the fabric.

 

 

The next day is strange. Unfamiliar, especially compared to the last couple of days when they had been so in tune, in sync with eachother, always smiling, always joking, always laughing. He's back in the driver seat but he barely speaks to her, only to ask if she's hungry or needs to pee. She doesn't try to pry either. She knows nightmares can be awfully triggering and that everyone is different when dealing with them. But still, she watches him, shamelessly, as he drives , his eyes focused on the road ahead, not once glancing at her, and she wonders if each nightmare is going to pull him further away from her. The answer seems unknown so she just leans back against the window and prays that wherever his mind is, he still remembers her.

 

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Be careful. There's descriptions of anxiety at the end of this chapter, so please, be careful while reading, or you can skip it if you want. I hope you enjoy the chapter , let me know what you think :)   
> Again, thank you to anyone still reading this :)

  1. Bucky




 

 

The waitress puts their plates in front of them, on the table – vegetables and an omelette for Wanda, and french fries and a chicken wings for him, and smiles at him as she does so. He's caught on her flirting efforts and he's doing his best to not give her any false hope while still remaining polite.

 

« There you go ! » Her voice is on the high pitched sound, and for a second Bucky wonders how old she is. Probably not even 18, he thinks. If she knew how old he really was, hse'd probably run for the hills. Nobody wants to date a hundred years old man. « Tell me if I can do anything for you. _Really anything_. »

 

He tries to smile, but he knows it probably looks more like a grimace. « We will. Thank you very much. »

 

She goes off and his eyes settle on Wanda. Her expression may look neutral or even unbothered to some, but Bucky knows her a little by now, and he knows that she's annoyed. If he was asked why, he'd probablly guess that it is because of the flirting waitress. He wants to tell her that the waitress doesn't have a chance, not in a million years, but that would imply talking to her for more than basic questions, and he hasn't done a lot of that in the past week. A week. A whole week without any real meaningful conversations with Wanda. He knows it's his fault. He shouldn't have shut her out after having this nightmare.. He shouldn't have. He should have told her, explained to her that he couldn't look at her, couldn't sit next to her, couldn't touch her after dreaming.. after hearing her scream his name, after feeling her throat under his metal arm, after hearing her whimpering while he squeezed the flesh under his mechanical fingers. The thought of her being hurt doesn't sit well with him , in the first place, and him hurting her.. the thought of it makes him sick. He could never do it, but still, in the back of his mind, he wonders. Could he ? If he was under the manipulative influence of someone or something, could he hurt her ? Could he kill her ? Gosh, he's not sure he's even hungry anymore. Maybe they shouldn't have come to the restaurant, maybe they should have stayed in the hotel and gone to bed as soon as possible. He had never been to Portland, and he guessed Wanda hadn't either so he decided that they should stay a bit , and try to see the town and enjoy it. They had crossed some of the National reserves and had to drive all day and night because there was no other options. So they deserved a break. But now, they were sitting across from each other, with so much words hanging in the air and neither of them making a move to speak first.

 

He sees her eating slowly, and he suddenly realizes he's been staring at her for a while, so he tries to focus on his food and takes a few bites as he looks over at the restaurant. It's pretty fancy, or a least fancier than what they're used to on the road. There's an open dancefloor, and he can see a young men playing the piano in a corner near it, as people dance. He sees couples and he envies them ; he wishes he could be someone like that, someone who can take the girl he likes on a date and dance with them when a beautiful melody is playing. He wishes he didn't have a metal arm, wishes he didn't have all the names of the people he murdered as the winter soldier engraved in his brain. He wishes he was a normal boy, who had lived a normal life, went out with a normal girl, lived in a normal house in a normal town. But life hasn't been gentle with him, and doesn't appear to get any more gentle.

 

Wanda looks up at him and she raises an eyebrow. «  Everything okay ? » The questions is loaded, he wants to tell her that no, everything is not okay, everything is most certainly not okay, not when he's afraid to touch her, hug her, talk to her even, not when he doesn't trust his mind when he falls asleep, not when he loves her so much that every inch separating them is a burden but he wants her safe. And right now, safe is not where he is. He wants that for her, he wants her to be happy, he wants her safe and sound, happy living in a pretty house, with a family , because she deserves it, after everything.

 

« Did you ever want something more ? » The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them, and she stares at him for a second, and he wonders if she is trying to see in his mind, and part of him hopes she doesn't, but yet, another part of him wishes she could see everything, his feelings, the dreams, the wishes he holds dear for her, _everything_.

 

« A long time ago, maybe. » She answers, looking down at her food. « When Pietro was alive and we were still .. young, when the days were really hard and we were struggling to feed ourselves and such, we used to dream about what our life could be. » She chuckles at the memory and he can't help but let a smile play on his lips too because the sight is warming to him. « He would always say the same thing, he wanted a big house with multiple floors and he would have loads of dogs, he loved dogs so much, and he wanted a big garden so he could play with them and they wouldn't get bored. »

 

«He sounds like someone I would have liked. » Bucky says, and it's true. From what she's told of him, he's pretty sure they would have gotten along. But life never works in their favor.

 

« He really was the best. » She adds with a smile, and she goes back to playing with her food, but now that they're talking and it feels so nice, he doesn't want it to stop.

 

« And what about you ? What life did you dream about? » He questions. «  A big house too, I assume ? »

 

She shakes her head. «  No, I always wanted a small house, someplace warm, surrounded by nature. I like the quiet, the fresh air ; in Sokovia , there was smoke or dust lingering everywhere, I just wanted a nice place where I could breathe without coughing. A small place that I could call home. »

 

He looks at her, and he sees those same dreams he had as a kid and he wants nothing more than hold her, but his hands are rough and she's fragile and he wishes they had met in other circumstances. He sees the sadness in her eyes at the thought and he blames himself for it.

 

« Okay then that's settled. A small place, around nature.. How does living in Maine sound to you ?  It rains a lot though.» He shrugs with his last words and start eating his food.

 

«I've never been. »

 

« It's pretty enough. I could find you something by the sea, so we can have best of both worlds. »

 

« We ? »

 

He only stops his movment for a second, a short quick one, and he prays Wanda didn't see it. He bites his tongue in punishment for speaking too fast. He should really start thinking before he speaks. He clears his throat and shrugs again.

 

« Well, yeah, I'll take you there, and stay for a while to get you settled. The world is dangerous, Wanda. » He jokes a little, and she catches on, proven by the little smirk she shows.

 

« Oh yeah ? You're going to look after me ? » She leans on the table, and Bucky can feel the air shift and it's suddenly like he's back a week before, when his hands were on her skin and he could feel every goosebump under his fingers, and for a second, he had forgotten about who they were. But the air is comfortable.

 

« I will protect you. I promise. » He says, and he's serious. He'll never let anyone touch her, ever again. Nathaniel was a mistake, and he still blames himself for not being able to protect her when he should have.

 

She looks at him, searches for something in his eyes, and he's not sure what he is, but she doesn't talk to him anymore and he wonders if she found the answers she was looking for, and he feels shy as she does, and he tries to hide it by looking back down on his food, and starts to cut it very aggressively, trying to focus on something else rather than her eyes on him. He shouldn't have said that,shouldn't have spoken at all. Now, things are back to awkward, all thanks to him. He could be so fucking dumb sometimes, he thinks.

 

 

It's later on the evening, and they're back at the hotel, and his mind is racing, like crazy. His fingers – flesh and metal – itches as he keeps flexing them, trying to release the tension sinking into his bones. He wishes the hotel had a pool. He always felt peace when he was under water, the stillness of everything when he was surrounded by the element, how , for a quick second , nothing hurts, nothing can touch him. When he's underwater, nothing matters apart from him, his thoughts are not tangible, it's like for a few moments, he's not himself, he's not Bucky, he's not the Winter Soldier, he's not an asset that killed too many people, he's not someone trying to grieve the past and everything he's lost. He's just.. someone. Someone who for a moment, feels safe in their head.

 

He stays for far too long under the shower head, his eyes closed, desperately trying to clear his head. But the anxiety felt too much. He tries so hard to breathe regurlarly, but every time he breathes in, his chest hurts and he tries , tries and tries really hard to stop it, but he feels himself shaking, like he's shivering eventhough the water is burning his skin. At one point, he has step out of it and get ready for bed. When he joins Wanda in the bedroom, she's reading a book, he recognizes it as the one she bought when they stopped at a little convenience store a couple of days ago. He doesn't say anything, just slips a massive hoodie on, and slips under the covers, and close his eyes. And he hears Wanda calling his name, but he doesn't answer, he doesn't trust his voice right now, doesn't trust his brain, doesn't trust his body, it betrayed him so many times, who knows what it could do this time ? He just stays under the covers, and starts to count under his breath, if only to give his mind something else to focus on other than the ever-racing thoughts.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback, anyone?  
> tumblr is shesgotherown.tumblr.com if you want to chat a bit more!


End file.
